Why I Don't and Won't Do It.
~~ The Courage to Live Consciously ~~
by Kiyasu Oka of www.kiyasugreen.com

This is an article about Why I Don't Have Any Accounts on Social Media Sites, why I will only use Photoshop 7.0 as a professional illustrator and designer (and it is all right), why I use Windows Vista, why I don't use Skype...

... why I DON'T use the "-san" (~さん) and "polite forms" (e.g., ます) in the Japanese language...

... why I NEVER owned a "smart" phone at all...

... how I STOPPED aging; people don't believe I am an adult because I STILL look young...

... why I do these so-called "unusual" things such as never attending weddings, only using browser versions from maybe 2010, and so much more...

... but most importantly: this is an article about love and marriage, and why I am actually uncomfortable when people have a partner or spouse. I present an out-of-the-box approach here: committed love WITHOUT relationships.

(Why I am actually very uncomfortable when I hear news that a person now has a boyfriend, girlfriend, spouse, etc. Why I am comfortable when people are Single, and why divorce could be one of the most beautiful gift and powerful blessing in disguise to show the whole world!)

This article was originally written on December 28th, 2015. I spent every single day from June 3rd to June 17th (2019), focused on COMPLETELY revising the first part of the article, while also adding some new things into the second and third parts about love, relationships, and marriage. According to FTP logs, I revised this page at least more than 3,000 times during these weeks in June 2019. I hope the value you receive from what I wrote in this article is MUCH more than the time you spend in reading the entire thing!!

Steve Pavlina said "I wish I had read your article in 1994. I do love your thoughts about love. How did you become so wise? :)" after he read my thoughts on love and marriage below:

The First Part:
Why I Don't and Won't Ever Use a "Social" Site, a "Smart" Phone or "Tablet," and So Much More

(I have never once in my life ever owned any "smart" phones, "iSomething"s, and tablet computers. Not even once in my entire life!)

Because being authentic (to your heart and soul) is more important than what you can imagine.

And even if I may have some fears, I trust life.

Care about your soul, and maybe the world will start to open up miraculous doors for you where there were previously only walls.

... and these "miraculous doors" that open out of nowhere when there used to be only walls in life, they seem to come in a form of consecutive "coincidences"... these synchronicities.

This is the reason I emphasize the importance of "when you QUIT 'social' sites, your business will THRIVE. More than what you can imagine."

... like a breath of fresh air, after you summon the courage to say "I quit," and finally setting your soul free... finally spreading your wings

... and then opportunities start to show up in miraculous ways... flowing to you easily...

When you are true to your heart and soul, the world starts delivering the billions of HOWs in unexpected and miraculous ways.

... More than what you can now imagine.

Deciding that you want to start developing The Courage to Live Consciously is a gift, not only for your own humanity, but also to the whole world, and maybe one of the most beautiful decisions and gifts for the entire world.

... Even if it may not seem like it at first, and even if all of your current friends and all of your family members might not ever understand, and even if there may be certain "lonely" hardships with this path. Maybe a "lonely" path at first...

(In fact, 10:47 P.M., June 4th, 2019, I lost a friend AGAIN within the last 10 minutes. Someone I knew for more than 10 years. An e-mail came in that starts with something along the lines of "After considering our recent conversations, I decided I no longer want to have communication with you," and I was SO shocked. I thought we would always be able to continue being friends. It really hurts, but at least I can openly share my failure story on this page for someone else to benefit from. Being misunderstood and losing friends painfully is one of the many very lonely hardships from living a conscious life path.)

...but a path with a heart and a gift for yourself and for the world (even if the world may be blind and cannot see that this is a gift... and even if friends and family can confront you about it thinking you are a so-called "trouble maker")...

... and most importantly: a path to truly being happy in life, something that is maybe very rare and special in this world. But something the world really needs right now. Very badly.

A medicine the world doesn't have much of.

I may or may not know what being truly happy in life means, but as I grow "older" (younger?) and live life more, with each passing year, I realize more on feeling this sense of happiness the more I continue down this path. Like, it is becoming more and more obvious as I continue to grow "older" in life, as I continue to live on...

A sense of a life well-lived, maybe... a certain form of happiness... that can maybe only be understood from having gone down this path...

... A certain form of freedom, bliss, beauty, and so much more... and feeling like a real human being with my wings spread wide open...

... ready to leave a legacy for the world...

... the legacy of Kiyasu Oka...

... and ready to reach the souls of other human beings on this planet...

... now and forever more.

And this kind of happiness... is so... beautiful.

The rewards of a life lived consciously, maybe...

Something I am still very grateful for and still easily cry deeply about when I think about the "lonely" hardships I initially went through going down this path, and still might also face this day.

... and where I am today.

And it has been worth it.

... all along.

And forever will be.

I don't have any "social networking" site (SNS) accounts any more. The last time I ever used one was in 2012... and this was mostly only because I felt "left out" and people were not responding to my e-mails for months, so I re-activated my account to GET people to... talk.

... and to basically "spy" on everyone, wondering how people don't have time for many things in life and don't have time to reply to my e-mails...

... but somehow seem to have so much free time posting all of these CASUAL comments and replies not related to career and work, posting all of these status updates, play all these on-line games on "social" media sites and their phones...

(... and somehow seem to have time to upload photos, share links to videos, share articles they just read, carelessly share pictures they found on the Internet, continue watching videos, etc.)

(... and seem to have time to do something on their "smart" phones or "iSomething"s...)

... and to basically make myself feel SO angry.

(I had my account in October 2007, at that time when it was only a thing for the English-speaking world, and that the people who knew about it are people who probably 1) have a lot of real friends they met on the Internet but never met in person yet; 2) know someone who is currently attending college in either the United States or Canada.)

(At that time, I enjoyed the site very much and was on it a lot. It was also very fascinating to find out what many of the real friends I used to be friends with at the time actually looked like in person. Since maybe at least 90% of my real friends are people I met through the Internet, and still is this way today, and never met in person yet, it was very interesting seeing their photos.)

(But around the time in maybe 2008 or 2009 when it started to become something also for people who DON'T make real friends through the Internet like I do, when it started to become a worldwide thing and not an "English-speaking world" thing any more, that happened to also be around the time I started to become very uncomfortable...)

I really question how busy you are, if you don't reply to my e-mails within 24 hours.

Like, if I receive a reply to an e-mail even only simply two days later, I may still question you on whether during this time, you may have even used some time to write a five-second-message or some replies on a "social" media site account.

I know people are probably telling the truth when they say things like "I am so sorry for the delay! I was SO busy and stressed with work, and barely had any free time, not even for myself, this past week! And I return home basically sort of directly collapsing in bed. SO much is going on lately."

... But even so, I still question the actual accuracy of it.

Like, whether they at least had five minutes to post a message on an account or personal blog of theirs or watch a video on YouTube, for example.

(If you even have at least five minutes to watch a video, then you are NOT busy AT ALL. Why not use this five minutes to reply to my e-mail?)

(Also, if you even have at least a few minutes to do something on your phone, I question you.)

There is this part of me that feels like I should "spy" on people's accounts and home page(s) on the Web to help confirm the "actual accuracy."

However, if I know that a person completely doesn't have any accounts, including a personal blog, on the Web, it is a breath of fresh air.

A peace of mind. This feeling of lightness.

If you travel to Taiwan and want to meet me in person for the first time, I feel more comfortable meeting if I know you don't have any accounts, not only on "social" media sites, but also including accounts on community sites on the Web, and that you don't visit anything like YouTube.

Also, if you don't own any "smart" phones or "tablets," I will feel more open with you.

... and I would likely be more human with you and tell you my deepest feelings and secrets.

A breath of fresh air...

... so freeing, so light, and so lovely.

I also like the "space" and "less is more" thing of my decision to stick to only e-mail and my home page (this Web site you are visiting right now).

I also want to be a living example and show the world that even if one doesn't have any "social" media site accounts, doesn't use the latest versions of programs or so-called "technology"...

... and NEVER owned a "smart" phone or "tablet" or "iSomething" AT ALL in their ENTIRE life...

... everything can still be all right...

... in fact, more than all right...

... and actually: even more (interestingly and ironically) successful in both life and business.

I want to be a beautiful living example of this.

... for myself, for my friends, and for the world.

That even if you don't ________, you can still be very successful in both life and business...

... with even more *ease* actually.

This what I want to show the world, especially to people whose souls are suffering from feeling that they HAVE to sign up for a "social" media site account, OR ELSE they will miss out on business opportunities, be left out by friends and family, lose friends, and suffer from other situations.

I want to be the miracle, the "sign" ("omen"), the "fateful encounter," and the medicine.

... the medicine for myself

... the medicine for my friends

... and the medicine for you

... the medicine that you didn't know you were looking for but actually really needed

... the medicine that lightens up your body

... the medicine that lightens up your mind

... the medicine that lightens up your heart

... the medicine that lightens up your spirit

... and the medicine that finally sets you free

... now and forever more, forever and ever

Deciding to summon The Courage to Live Consciously... a path with a heart, very important, and very beautiful.

(I very intentionally never owned these phones or "tablets." Like, back in maybe 2007 or 2008 when it was "not really known and used everywhere" yet, I already had a kind of bad feeling about the idea of surfing the Web and checking e-mail by anything else other than laptop or PC.)

(At that time I was very uncomfortable with the idea where you can go surf the Web through the Nintendo Wii or people can carelessly share pictures they found on the Internet through the Wii... something like that. It was like the "start of a new era" of both video games and life that I somehow already had bad feelings for.)

(Also at that time people started to "change color" and "change hearts" and started having some either "pompous" or "humor" or "sharing" or "careless" attitude, and this usage of the "epic" word started to become popular (one example from the VERY MANY things that started to not be right any more) and I am VERY uncomfortable with, and I felt like I could not be close to my closest friends any more. ALL of my friendships are starting to die at that time or something, and I felt ALL alone and "nobody understands" and all of that. Like friends who could *feel* me and we could have lots of "deep conversations" on MSN Messenger at the time, they started to become "careless" and maybe more so-called "insensitive adult"-like or something. Then there was this Super Smash Bros. Brawl thing going on, and sort of everyone was ALL about it except me, feeling "left out" and sad and VERY uncomfortable about game. So, maybe, just maybe, all of these things helped me NOT want to BE in the "new era" of the world after that or something. I was very lonely, left out, and depressed during maybe 2008 and 2009, where my main circle friends I had for years died in a VERY painful way. This is also one of the main reasons I DON'T like to visit Web sites that much any more and try to stick to only e-mail these days; like the world in terms of "people's hearts and attitudes" are not the same as in back in 2005, and if I am honest: I am actually NOT comfortable with everyone these days, in at least some sense. In my heart, I don't want to believe that the era after around 2005 or 2006 even existed at all; I want 2005 or 2006 to STILL be the "latest" era for me. This is maybe the main reason I am not comfortable with anything related to video games after that era and try to avoid knowing anything about it, if possible. Maybe all of this "living life alone" and "being left out" also helped me to make my OWN choices, instead of "doing what people in my friends circle did" since I LOST my friends and had live a "left out by everyone" existence. So I had to *think* about life on my *own*, and in some sense "live without ANY friends" for years... and this, somehow, helped me get to where I am today.)

(The era around 2005 or 2006... where I felt... "normal" and... free, easily comfortable with people in general. Also the time when I didn't have to be uncomfortable and worried whether, for example, something I buy will have at least SOMETHING related to QR Codes, social media sites logo, anything related to the "smart" phone or Apple, printed on their packaging. Or whether milk or food packaging will have some QR Codes on it, and then I will TRY to, if possible, find another that DOESN'T have it printed. ALL this "Emoji" and "hashtags" stuff makes me VERY UNCOMFORTABLE too!! So I *try* to avoid buying anything that has these things printed on their possible. I just don't feel... free in this era any more, BOTH in EVERY human connection and... everything. So I want 2005 or 2006 to be the "latest" era for me. And I try to mimic the timeless feeling from 2005 (or before that) as much as I can, and make the feelings as REAL as I can. I really need to be true to my heart and take care of myself. I also tend to call the "smart" phones the "modern phones" and use Code Names for everything else I mentioned here, instead of their actual names, but for this article I will use "smart" phones. I am uncomfortable with almost everything from the era since maybe around 2008, when the world started to "change color" in every person's hearts. I am very VERY uncomfortable with, for example, playing any recent video games and THEN somewhere inside the game they use "epic" or any "jokes" or any other vocabulary or "attitude" or other stuff that became widespread around since that time in 2007 or 2008. Very VERY uncomfortable with all of this "influence" and the "change of heart" that people didn't have back in the 90s or 2001 or 2005 or something. I also REALLY don't like this era where EVERYBODY is playing video games, when before it used to be that "only the people who grew up playing, play the games" thing. Something about that doesn't feel good. Also with the cell phones, it used to be ONLY people who really needed it or people who are "into" it using it, and not everyone. Something about this era where something like a show, work, game, book, etc used to be "not that well known at all" now becoming well-known bothers me very much. There is this feeling or something as well. I wished these things didn't become more known; the way they used to be "unknown"-like really had their own beauty and special existence. The way it was was beautiful enough in its own way, and now it's not the same any more having becoming more famous. And this is something typical of this era as well; in the past one doesn't have to worry about it. In the past I would have wanted these things to become famous as well "like everyone does," but now it is obvious to me I DON'T want them to be famous because the way it was back then was probably already more than perfect enough, with its own beautiful existence. And I am REALLY uncomfortable with other fans or NEW fans being all like "epic" or something over it, for example... or posting all of these jokes or sharing things around like that on "social" sites, etc. I am also very VERY uncomfortable with anything like re-releases, remakes, new releases, and so on, and actually dread them VERY MUCH these days. And uncomfortable with other fans. Maybe in the past in the 90s or 2005 or something, I would have been so excited like everyone else, though.)

(I probably also had some kind of thought thinking that it is careless to read my e-mails outside of laptop or PC, and was very uncomfortable with the idea of, for example, me being seen as a so-called "Internet pal" by people and they carelessly read my e-mails on a device that is not a computer, and... well, I really did not feel good...)

(All of these things might have contributed to helping me NOT own a "smart" phone with a very firm "NO MATTER WHAT" inside my heart, even if people might "convince" or "push" me to. At that time when it wasn't "popular" or "widespread," perhaps it already just didn't feel good. And maybe somehow I unconsciously listened to my feelings, and did NOT listen to the world. I was already "left out" in around 2008 or 2009 and ALL those years after that (still feel this way quite often in recent years too), and while I suffered from this, AND all those moments when people seem to sort of "mock" or "laugh" at me (for example) when I tell them I DON'T have a "smart" phone, I still, somehow, unconsciously went with my heart and feelings of wanting to live in 2005 or something. It has been a VERY difficult years since 2008, but I managed to do it. It wasn't easy to NOT own a "smart" phone, NOT play the latest video games, etc etc etc without questions and strange looks and many other deep life suffering moments I went through since 2008, but I carried on. And now I am where I am today. So, this is my story of "How I Was Able to NOT Own a 'Smart' Phone ALL these years, and I Survived... And Now Because of This, I Am In a Special and Better Place Now.")

I took a break from going online by going without Internet access from November 2013 to March 2015 because I had too much going on with my life, losing friendships, and feeling uncomfortable with the "social" media era, the "smart" phones, everyone's vocabulary or "attitude" or other things on the Internet (and also maybe, for example, if I receive an e-mail and on the bottom there will be a "social" media site URL in it as the e-mail's signature, and I would feel uncomfortable), that I wanted to give myself a VERY long break, and to take care of myself this way. I wasn't sure how long the break will be, but I wanted to "make it as long as possible," and I probably also sort of saw that as a "fun new challenge" or something, and wanted to see what kind of new, fresh person I would become after that. It was a time where I could THINK about things in life that I never deeply pondered about, and experiment with various habits, decisions, and choices. I wanted to take care of myself and just enjoy my life FOR ONCE or something during this time. The break didn't go as I had initially hoped as there are family and other challenges that completely ruined it, and I actually suffered very difficult, sad time during the time without Internet access, but it was also BECAUSE of this break that I have enough "clear headed"-ness of the things I will talk about later in this article. I must have lost a lot more friends when I decided to write some letters in 2014 to tell people about my "possible disappearing for many years without Internet access" (of course, I could not say the actual real reasons so I probably said that I had "goals and priorities" or something and that it is all "very important" to me), and that "I will directly do the "Mark as Read, then Archive" thing on every single e-mail when I return one day," and when I returned, I would e-mail some people and receive a "please stop contacting me." Or either that most of my friendships became awkward or that there is something that is not right any more... (I was worried that if people e-mailed me during my break and I didn't see their e-mail, then that would be bad. So I wrote the letters to explain and say things like "So if you e-mail me, then this is why and just so you know!" But... looks like maybe I SHOULDN'T even have BOTHERED to do that? Like, I should have just disappeared fully WITHOUT letting anyone know what I wanted to do. Or maybe it is a good thing I wrote those letters because it can show the TRUE COLORS of friendships and clear out the ones that aren't "meant" to live.) So my friendships were NOT the same as 2013, when I returned in 2015, and I have to deal with YET ANOTHER NEW START of being "all alone" in a "new dark world," similar (or worse?) to how it is in 2008. But even with this, I still think that the break, mixed with a recent sad incident near the end of May 2019 related to friendship, really helped me to REALLY somehow indirectly have THE clear mind that I am having today... and now I am here, being able to SHARE my experiences and stories of both successes and failures to help you and others!

I am sharing you these stories because in Steve Pavlina's Share Your Shame article, he wrote: "What personal stories have you locked away in the secret vault of your mind, vowing never to share them publicly? What would shame you terribly if it were ever posted on the Internet and connected with your real name for anyone to see? What events or habits from your past or present would you feel embarrassed to talk about? This is precisely what you need to share with others — openly and publicly." He then writes this part on "Authenticity" and says: "If you can’t share your humiliation publicly, you haven’t gotten over it yet. And if you’re not over it yet, you’ve still got this gaping wound in your heart, and it will always keep you from being 100% authentic."

"Being authentic — or transparent — isn’t just about being honest. It’s about having nothing to hide."

"Concealing the truth from others creates a wall between you and them. Tear down that wall by sharing what you thought you could never share, and you’ll experience a much deeper level of connection with everyone you meet."

The phrases "nothing to hide" and "what you thought you could never share" rang a bell inside of me and eventually somehow gave me the courage to be revising most of this article from scratch, and adding ALL of these stories and information in.

I thought that if I shared some of my deepest secrets and stories I never shared with ANYONE before, publicly on my site, that could lead to FINALLY having stronger, real friendships. Since 2008, I sort of always had some "luck" of always SOMEHOW ending up losing friends, getting kicked out from communities online, etc... again and again and again, in one form or another. So, sort of in some sense, I have been mostly "on my own." (So every time someone writes in an e-mail that I can "ask a friend for help" or something, I would feel let down because I didn't have CLOSE ENOUGH friends for the kind of help and it wouldn't work out, for example. Is it only me? That every time someone gives an advice related to seeking help from friends or family, there is something that just doesn't feel... smart? If you are the person to say these kinds of things for support, I want to let you know it might not be the best thing to say to someone seeking help or advice. It COULD be that the person doesn't have ANY "smart enough" friends or family members, and so your suggestion would come across as a MAJOR annoyance! Also that if the person could have asked friends or family for help, they would have probably ALREADY done that by themselves, and didn't need to go out of their way to ask you, ONLY to get disappointed by you. It is a "Well, I *know* that I can ask friends or family for help. But it's awkward! There IS a reason I bothered to go out my way to ask you, you know?" thing. This is why I say it is a not-smart-at-all thing to say when helping others!!) A part of me seems to believe that ALL of my friendship and "criminal existence" troubles is a "blessing in disguise," though. So, I hope sharing these deepest secrets and thoughts that I have NEVER shared with anyone before, will start to change everything, and I have stronger friendships and other successes come out from this! So, more than an article about "smart" phones and marriage, I wanted to share myself here. And through sharing myself here, not only I help others with my thoughts, but I also heal myself from all of these friendship problems I had since around 2008... and have a new life or something.

If I can also be transforming my sorrow into joy while building stronger friendships (and helping others) by sharing my stories and thoughts here, then that would be a beautiful thing. I aim to also set myself free from my suffering since 2008, and sharing these things openly on my Web site seems to be a wise path for achieving this.

I want to see what doors of possibility might open if I do this. What miracles would occur.

I also want to mention this in case if I am not "the only one" here, and that there is someone else who also suffers from this situation deep inside, yet "cannot" do anything about it: I feel so so so SO PAINFUL every time a person seems to always ALWAYS naturally think that the "smart" phones, all the iSomethings, and other inventions from this era are so-called "technology"!! And then people are usually like "ALL things have their good and bad blah blah blah" Ultimate Stupidity about it. And THEN talk about the GOOD that "smart" phones do and then also a bit of the bad... and, this is all just so... strange. Like, there is always this one-second-like feeling when I hear basically EVERYONE talk about the so-called "good and bad" of the phones like that, and I feel very VERY sad and uncomfortable!! Almost like they are the words coming out from a not-so-smart human or deluded human or something. Also, I KNOW that "all things have their good and bad"... do I really NEED to know that? ALL of this assumption that these things are so-called "technology" or at least SOMETHING related to some kind of so-called "generation" stuff bullshit assumption. People seem to naturally think in this direction SO much that I already kind of lose hope in humanity here.

HOW on EARTH can a "smart" phone be even CLOSE to EVER being considered "technology" anyway? Like, HOW? HOW could it ever be technology? WHY are people thinking this is even "technology" or "generation stuff"?

WHY is a "smart" phone seen as technology?

WHY do you think a "smart" phone is technology?

Why?!

Like, ...WHY? It is FAR from it!!!

(...Hmmm? Did I just hear some humans say that they, like, actually don't understand what I just said? Hmmm, that's interesting. Guess I will have to explain things to brainwashed human minions.)

We have technology in 2005 or 1995 too. But that was no big deal. People's "hearts," "personality," "attitude," etc were... all right during ALL those many many MANY years!! The technology from 2005 is already good enough; people can still get by living life, people are more caring and thoughtful, and everything's normal and all right.

And then people's hearts start to change with all the "attitude," joking around, Internet "culture," etc etc etc, mixed with "smart" phones, YouTube habits, and Apple products and people start to, every year, become more and more careless. It is always SO annoying when people seem to "look down" on me and "mock" me or assume that I am so-called "NOT into any technology" or other bullshit because of this. Once someone I met in person for the first time even directly burst out laughing right in front of my face for a bit when I told him the third time, after having been with him for maybe several hours already, I DON'T have a phone with me. I told him before in e-mail that I don't use the phone at that time, and in person also twice several moments but it looks like he didn't "hear" me or is just blind or his brain is so brainwashed that he "overlooked" some of my words... for some reason. Until that third(?) time I told him and he burst out laughing for a bit. Also probably some moment he uttered some YouTube video jokes or phrases or something, all of a sudden. AND just because I don't use the latest so-called "technology" (it's NOT!!) people seem to think I am a "strange person," "have problems," "someone who is old-fashioned and NOT into technology," "someone who is not social, outgoing, and open," etc etc etc... UGH!! SO SO SO much INJUSTICE!! Yet people STILL stupidly and blindly think that ALL of this era's inventions are so-called "technology"?! And then with all the "everything has their good and bad blah blah blah" idiocy thinking or the "generation"-related bullshit thinking to bury the truth even more, making it SO MUCH harder to see. The technology from 2005 has its "good and bad," too. And so does the ones from the 90s. AND any before that. Everything ELSE in Life, TOO. WHAT bullshit are you getting at with your "everything has their good and bad" thing when it comes to "smart" phones, "social" media sites, or anything from the recent era?

That "good and bad" thing and the "generation difference" blah blah blah bullshit has always been such a snake oil thing when I hear people say it!! Yet, SO many people seem to think into this direction SO easily. And I am scared of humanity here. (By the way, OTHER snake oil things that I grew up being annoyed by include: "Sorry to hear what happened! People should learn how to be considerate and put themselves in your shoes more!," "People should be more kind!," "You/we/I learn new things every day," "The problem with e-mails and any other form of contact that is not face to face is the lack of tone and not being able see their face as you read the words," "I am a very open person and respect all races, cultures, and beliefs," etc. etc. etc. etc. Every single time I hear these things, I just know that the person doesn't even understand.)

It makes me SO angry that people are STILL blindly calling these so-called "technology" and STILL blindly talking about the GOOD they have in their "they have their good and bad, and here is the good and here is the bad" posts or something.

People probably suffered from the "bad" of ALL technology from the 90s. Same with the earlier 2000s. Or milk at supermarket. Or buying tickets at theaters. And so on. But life was still all right for the main part, and people's hearts and their "personalities" and such are still all right, even with the "bad" from these things. Nobody would have become careless enough as if they lost bits of their humanity and soul, each passing year.

People were still... alive. And had a sense.

... For many, many, MANY years straight!!

But then things changed since a certain time, and gradually and gradually, with each passing year, people lose more and more of their... senses...

People gave away major parts of their humanity.

... And now STILL blind and deeply brainwashed into simply calling this so-called "technology."

(Or is it NOT that people "lost" senses, but rather that TRUE COLORS that have been hidden back in the 90s or earlier 2000s, now suddenly emerged?)

(So, if this is true, then maybe what the "smart" phones and this era did was BRINGING OUT the real colors of everybody... very disgusting truth that almost everybody is ROTTEN. If this is true that these inventions helped CLEAR AWAY some of the masks people wore ALL along, then maybe it is saying something about humanity. Now, could this be a good thing that the truth behind people is exposed now? Maybe all of the "smart" phones might be a "blessing in disguise" for learning the Truth behind people's deepest concepts, beliefs, thoughts, etc installed inside their brains. If a person is truly sincere and pure, maybe all of the "smart" phones might not have done much, except a little bit... who knows? Or maybe they would be like me who SOMEHOW end up never owning one. So, perhaps, maybe this is a "blessing in disguise" to CLEAR AWAY people's "social Kindness masks" in a certain way to REVEAL how ROTTEN deep inside almost everybody is!!!)

(There will be a LOT of information later on here in this article about the entire "true colors" thing and "social mask" thing, and I explain everything in a LOT of detail!!! I hope after readng everything there, things will become clearer and clearer from me what I am talking about!)

The "smart" phones, "social" media sites, and all of the other things from this era shouldn't even exist in the first place. While there are indeed a LOT of benefits from the recent inventions (I benefited through them, too), this is STILL the same as that "everything has good and bad" thing again... THAT Major Brainwashing You Have.

The technology from around 2005 time is already good enough. Yet society and people keep on insisting on "improving and going into the new" and then now we have the rotten world we have today. Is it REALLY a good thing to always keep inventing new things? What has the past 10 years been? Perhaps maybe sometimes we should stop hoping things to "become better" and appreciate the way technology already were, as long as they are "good enough"? Or something else?

Considering the "good" things that was made possible, all the beautiful things, and so much more... would those SOMEHOW still have been possible, but with a "different story of how it was made possible" if these inventions never existed? AND all could have been achieved WITHOUT the "losing your humanity and senses" parts of this era? That if the inventions never existed, you could still achieve them somehow, perhaps.

What I am trying to get at is: you SACRIFICED a MAJOR portion of both your humanity and your human senses. ... for... what? The so-called "good things" your "smart" phone, iSomethings and "social" media sites made possible. Is that worth the price? And it all happened so gradually that you never noticed it until now... like a lobster enjoying a nice warm bath. Perhaps you don't even know what I am talking about. Perhaps you will DENY what I just said, or feel no feelings at all. But this doesn't change the truth that you already sacrificed a portion of yourself into this ILLUSION of the so-called "good things." And you STILL call this so-called "technology" and STILL "support" it by using it yourself or LETTING others use it. You STILL blindly tell others that it's just "technology." You still DELUDE everyone this way.

You can deny your cage or brainwashing all you want, but the cage is still there, and you are still brainwashed. And the illusion will still be there as long as you deny your cage and brainwashing.

If ALL of your "good things made possible" from your phone is SO GOOD you want to keep using your phone, then let me ask you this: if you were to consider the percentage rates of "Good and Bad" on a scale, what would that be? I would think that the Bad percentage is something like 95% (your HUMANITY!!! And soooo much more!!) while ALL of your beautiful and good experiences from the past decade ALL add up to only 5%.

Maybe, just maybe, even ALL of your "good things made possible" from the past decade might even be an... illusion. If so, then what would that... mean? ... about ...you? ... about your ... life?

And you are not only sacrificing YOUR humanity. By using the "smart" phone or "social" media sites or iSomethings, you are also telling others that "this is okay to do." OR... in MY shoes, from how I felt ALL this past DECADE of NOT owning a "smart" phone: I see you with a possibility of hope HOPING that you would help me feel "less alone and less lonely," and then the the instant you take out your phone, I lose confidence in myself, in sadness, that YET I STILL could not find anyone ELSE who doesn't use the "smart" phone on this planet. I feel SO alone and left out. Where is the hope in the world?

So not only are you telling others it is okay to use it, but you are also destroying someone's hope to see more real, conscious humans.

To say that these things are actually so-called "technology" when your "good stuff" may just be less than 5% to the "bad stuff" of 95% (and more!!!), and then STILL DELUDE YOURSELF with the illusion of all the good made possible and say "nah, all things have their good and bad I guess. Pretty convenient...!"... Do you realize how deluded and brainwashed you are?

... how deluded and brainwashed you have been?

Perhaps you are not aware that you have been fooled by the True Nature in disguise of your phone. Perhaps it was all business and marketing in disguise. Marketing this thing as, um, like, new and latest TECHNOLOGY~! Brand New! NEW features!! And So On. Requiring you to spend more and more money to DESTROY your soul, gradually, gradually, gradually .... gradually...

.... gradually...

And then other fellow human minions of the world have been fooled and controlled JUST like you.

.... fooled, deceived, tricked, and lied to...

... controlled like a puppet...

.... ALL THIS TIME, ALL THESE YEARS...

... gradually, gradually, .... gradually...

... like a lobster enjoying a warm bath...

Perhaps you have been tricked by everyone.

... including all of your family and friends...

... And they didn't even know that they were tricking you either...

... because everyone is deeply brainwashed...

... that this is... like, ~~ TECHNOLOGY ~~...

... CONVENIENCE! New Features! Upgrades!...

(... while we gradually DEVOUR your soul...)

(... when you are completely unaware...)

(... while you are busy... and focused...)

(... with taking our drug in disguise, again and again in one day, ALL in one single day...)

(... gradually, gradually, gradually, ..... oooh....)

(...... gradually....)

(... oooh, soooo convenient, isn't it?)

(... soooo delicious, isn't it? Our phone pills)

(... wanna try our NEXT NEW ~TECHNOLOGY~?)

(... take our tablet pills for more convenience!)

(... Muhahahaha... Yes, yes, good good GOOD!!)

(We just dominated the world with these pills!!)

(... Now EVERY household has one of our pills...)

(... perfect...)

(... As long as these fellow minions think this is ~TECHNOLOGY~! CONVENIENCE! BRAND NEW! LATEST! SPEEDY! USEFUL! QUALITY! ETC.!...)

(... then we can conceal the secret behind this epidemic in disguise... let the disease spread!)

(... let the virus in disguise spread!! More and more!!!! Mission Complete. SUCCESS!!!)

(... Muhahahaha, thanks for letting us DEVOUR your humanity! You made a GOOD choice!!!!)

(... Please keep on talking about our pills, bring more ATTENTION to help us spread the disease more!! Yes, yes, YES!! PERFECT. You are doing a very good job. You are Great!! Congratulations!)

... Do you, like, realize how blindly stupid and absolutely deluded you have been ALL these years now? Ooh, technology is... convenient!

Like, you have, indeed, been a total blind idiot for calling this thing "technology" and "generation" stuff during ALL these years of your life!!

(By the way, there could be a possibility that even the people who invented these things are totally brainwashed themselves too... who knows. Ooh.)

And you were probably also a brainwashed minion for calling "social" media sites something to do with "technology" and "generation." Maybe recent browser versions and everything ELSE, too.

But Good Thing you now know now!!

All Hope is not lost yet!!

How I was able to NOT own a "smart" phone or "tablet" all of these years? The simplest answer might be: "in my heart and in my shoes."

In my heart and in my shoes, I only do the things I *wish* I could see in the world.

In my heart and in my shoes, I would wish people continue on saying "no" EVEN WHEN pressured to get one by family, friends, and everyone else.

In my heart and in my shoes, I would wish that EVERYWHERE was STILL, at the LATEST, 2006 or something... so I live that way as much as I can. The reality I wish I could see and live in FULLY again. Anything else that happened or existed after that actually NEVER existed to begin with.

In my heart and in my shoes, I would wish people 100% NEVER owned any of these things ALL these past years, so I be the living example of it.

In my heart and in my shoes, I wish people's hearts, vocabulary, "thinking process," attitude, and EVERYTHING ELSE are EXACTLY like how they were all those years ago in the earlier 2000s. Literally travelled back in time through using a time machine, and this era never existed. The Internet NEVER is what it has been like since around 2007 AT ALL either. And so much more.

In my heart and in my shoes, I wish I could be comfortable with people in general again, the EXACT same way I did in 2005. So, I will be the living example of what is comfortable, FOR myself first. Giving this GIFT to myself... beautifully.

In my heart and in my shoes, I want to be a living example of the miracle I have been longing for, but maybe impossible to ever return to, if it is not a dream world. But I still show up regardless because this is important.

In my heart and in my shoes, I want to be a living example of ALL of these miracles, medicine, and things I will talk about in the rest of this article!!

I want to be a beautiful living example of how it is absolutely all right, and even more than all right, AND you can still be interestingly more successful in both life and business, if you:

... don't want to ever attend any weddings for the rest of your life (and you don't have to explain yourself or feel bad about it... and it is all right)

... don't want to have a boyfriend, girlfriend, and so-called "partner" or so-called "lover"... EVER.

(It is SO annoying when people seem to assume that I am so-called "not open" to love or "lonely" or when I am asked: "Have you found love yet?")

... don't want to get married... EVER. (and you don't have to explain yourself)

... don't want to have kids... EVER. Ugh. (and you don't have to explain yourself and it is all right. Also, I find it SO INJUSTICE IN DISGUISE when people say they don't really have the time to make friend with me because they have kids, a family, a wife, etc... blah blah blah and maybe might usually sound like some "idiotic robotic adult" here. No one says you HAD to have a wife or family in the FIRST place!! This kind of thing bothers me sooo much!! If it is because of "work" or "having a job" that's likely all right with me probably because if you don't have money you might not live in this world and end up living on the streets, for example. But wife, kids, and family? Who cares? It is unnecessary in first place. I REALLY hate this "wife priority," "kids priority," or "family priority" thing!! SO messed up!!!! Seems to also imply that everyone ELSE isn't also in the same shoes of so-called "not having much time" as much as you are!! Yeah, yeah, I get it, your wife is so much of a priority that you don't have that much time for me. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I get it, your family and kids are so important. But who cares?)

... don't want to use any of the "polite forms" of the Japanese language (masu ます, desu です, etc) for the rest of your life (and it is actually more than all right!! I don't EVER want to be polite, respectful, or nice to ANY SINGLE PERSON on this planet. Instead, I only want to be friendly and understanding to EVERYONE, and that is a huge difference compared to being polite, respectful, nice, etc. I may be friendly, but NEVER nice.)

(It does not matter WHO I am talking to. I will NOT use the "polite forms." Even if it is the Emperor of Japan, other higher authorities, colleagues, etc. A path with a heart.)

(I also don't use the "-san" (~さん) in Japanese AT ALL. I call people directly by first name only or nickname. Sometimes I might use "-kun" (~くん) to be "interesting" or "amusing" or something. And some other silly things like "earthling," "alien," etc. In my own shoes, I DON'T want people to use "-san" on me, so I don't do it. But I don't mind if people call me "alien" or "earthling" or use "-kun" or some other stuff. It seems wise to speak or write the EXACT SAME WAY you *wish* people would speak to you like, so this is what I do.)

(Even today, I have not found anyone who is the same as me with the Japanese language here. I might really be the only person on the planet whose Japanese language is a certain way, without the "polite forms" at all. A path of courage and living consciously, maybe.)

(... I believe in myself and what I am doing. I believe there is NO SUCH THING as being "too close" or "too friendly" to people you don't know. I believe there is NO SUCH THING as a so-called "stranger." There is also a "the best way to break the ice with another human being is to assume that there is NO ice to begin with, ALL ALONG" thing. So, even if I don't know who you are AT ALL, we might can already be close friends on Day 1 WITHOUT needing ANY conversation.)

(I don't believe there is SUCH A THING as "real friendships need time to develop," and the idea that "friendship has to be from both sides" is only nonsense to me. Perhaps this world is too blind and brainwashed to see what friendship actually is. Real friendships can be one-sided, too.)

(In Tales of Destiny: Director's Cut, the friendship between the characters Stan Aileron and Lion Magnus is an example of a one-sided friendship, that is a real friendship from "both" sides, even though it is still one-sided even till the end.)

(In Tales of Destiny 2, the friendship between the characters Kyle Dunamis and Judas is a somewhat similar example of a one-sided friendship, that is a real friendship that is so beautiful.)

(And I want to be like Stan and Kyle here when it comes to friendship!! The way these characters are like is quite similar to my life when it comes to friendship...!! Maybe the gift of friendship is a legacy of mine... the legacy of Kiyasu Oka!!)

(Maybe the gift of friendship is the real reason I tried to send so many "I am interested in making friends with you ^^" kind of e-mails to various people on the Internet, who looked like they have a lot in common with me, last month in May 2019, but came up with a lot of failure and sadness... in a major, depressing way. Like, maybe the real reason I reach out to people on the Internet to make new friends is that I believe that if I make myself known to someone, I might change their "human existence" in a spiritual way: "Being able to cross paths with someone like Kiyasu Oka is one of the biggest blessings of my entire life.")

(A "close friend" I had many "deep" conversations for hours that I have known for at least ten years straight is NOT a close friend to me. While the friends I also met through the Internet but hardly know anything about because they are too busy and have no chance to talk to me, are the most important people to me in this whole world. And we are close friends, even if we don't know each other much at all. And this is so beautiful.)

(So I don't like it that this world seems to think that you "should" know about a person's past, upbringing, etc to "know" them better. For me, basically ALL the friends who DO know about my upbringing, past, etc misunderstand me and seem to have an inaccurate image of me. My past and my upbringing basically did NOT make me this way today, and I am SO annoyed that people cannot seem to understand what I really mean here!! It is more like a certain second of time I suddenly decided to become this way today.)

... don't want to have a driver's license and have no interest in learning how to drive a motorcycle, car, etc (yes, it is all right, you are NOT "unusual" or something, and you can still get by... and even if I lived in the United States or somewhere else where cars are probably REALLY needed, I still will NOT get a driver's license, EVER. There will be a way. And the way might just be right around the corner; able to work around things beautifully.)

... don't want to learn how to ride a bicycle... and even though I am Taiwanese, I still DON'T want to learn it (and it is absolutely all right)

... don't want to eat salad or any "healthy food" if it does not make you feel alive or is not delicious (when something is not delicious, it is probably challenging to feel energized and alive from it!! My ONLY determining factor for food is either "whether it is delicious or not" or "whether I feel ALIVE and FRESH after I eat it"... and at times the delicious-ness of McDonald's chicken nuggets can make me feel fresh, healthy, and full of vitality!!)

... don't want to go to the gym, workout, or do ANY excercise and STILL be healthy... somehow (and it is absolutely all right... I am actually SO surprised last month when someone told me I look like someone who excercises a LOT and is "obviously very fit"... even though I ate a lot of junk food, basically don't leave the house that much, etc... AND... the last time I ever went to the hospital... I can't remember, must be SO long ago. So, maybe, just maybe, the real truth behind this thing called "health" is NOT what we thought it SEEMS to be, what we all grew up to be taught it to be.... but is actually something else.)

(By the way, it seems that when I tell others that I am actually a full-time adult, entrepreneur, everything, people don't seem to really believe me that much. In fact, I am very very VERY often mistaken as a "college freshman" because of my face!! ALL of the times I have an experience of something like "Really?! You are actually an adult?! But no matter HOW I look at your face, you obviously look like a college freshman!!")

(Last April in 2019, the apartment receptionist at the lobby of where I live at said something like, "Really?! You are an adult?! I keep thinking you were only in high school ALL along!! Or you are about to enter college." This kind of thing is a common experience that has been happening for many years already, when I leave the house.)

... don't want to learn the Taiwanese dialect (台語) and pretty much don't understand what people are saying when they speak it (and it is absolutely all right... even as a native Taiwanese!!)

... don't want to care about typical Taiwanese tradition, holidays, habits, etc... and don't go to night markets and sort of basically never drink bubble tea (and it is absolutely all right)

... don't want to learn how to cook food and have no interest in learning (I can cook, but I probably don't cook well at all... I think? ... Maybe?)

... don't want to have ANYTHING to do with things like insurance (health, family, house, death, pet, natural disaster, etc), stock market, buying or selling houses, interest rates, and any other "government stuff" or "economics"-like stuff that I "should" probably know about or have or own or do something about (that I REALLY don't care about!! And there is NOTHING "bad choice" or "dumb" or anything about this!! In fact, I could be very wise person for saying "no" to these things!!)

... don't want to have multiple bank accounts (I only have ONE bank account... if you don't count ANY of the ones I basically don't have any control over because my parents made them without my consent, and I probably don't know I have these bank accounts that I don't care about), and don't want to have a credit card (I only have ONE debit card number and account in my ENTIRE life so far, had to renew it last July, so two copies of the same card now, one expired and one current...)

... don't want to acknowledge that your parents or other family members are so-called "important" AT ALL, even if they are friendly with you, help you, etc (and that is absolutely all right, and even very wise and courageous and REAL to be authentic!!

(Even if someone is kind with you, but your heart doesn't have that much real, deep feelings for them compared to so-called "strangers" and you don't want to see them as important, then listen to that!! ... instead of what you grew up thinking you "should" be considering as important just because we grew up in a world where we are constantly taught and brainwashed into believing all sorts of things like: "family is important," "it is your origin," "blood relation means you might have similar traits," "sibling love," "closeness," etc.)

(And because of this ideal and belief that "family" is "home" or "togetherness" or something, many people suffered. I have already uninstalled the concept of "family" from my brain; I operate from "human beings" and "friends" only, and there is no such a thing as a "family" for me. My "safe home" is simply myself and people my heart has feelings for — and this could be anyone!! Maybe a so-called "stranger," even!! The most important people to me in the WHOLE world can be anyone I decide it to be, regardless of how well I know them or not. And NO, they will NOT become my "family." I really, REALLY uninstalled the ENTIRE concept from my brain and beliefs... forever!! Nobody in this world will be my family; NOT EVEN MYSELF... no such thing as a family!!)

(... So, maybe this is one of the many reasons I am VERY uncomfortable when I hear news of people getting married or when people have a newborn baby. All of these things are like people are blindly supporting this "dangerous" and "overrated" concept known as "family." THIS concept, this ideal, this belief, this ultimate brainwashing that has probably caused many generation of human beings to blindly suffer.)

(... not only blindly suffer, but the people who are suffering DON'T KNOW that they are!! ...maybe due to brainwashing and blindness, and on top of that, the people even still CONTINUE to blindly "promote" this belief that "family should be home, closeness, where you come from, etc.")

(... and when people have a newborn baby, that is like saying they are giving away THEIR life, their free time, etc... for another human being, thinking and being brainwashed believing that they really "should" do this as an "adult" or "a part of life." Is this REALLY how you want to live many more years of your life like? Or is a part of you feeling like you can no longer have un-interrupted time, freedom, etc any more? The idea that people blindly GIVE AWAY THEIR POWER to the concept of "family," to their spouse, to their kids, to religion, to Buddha, to Confucius, to Jesus, etc because they didn't know any better due to brainwashing and some thinking like "everyone says it is OK, so it is definitely okay".... This scares me so so SO much and makes me SO angry!!! Shouldn't you be giving your power to YOURSELF?! Not your lover, not your sibling, not God, not to certain "concepts" in life, not _____.)

(... We grew up in a world where we are blindly taught that all along that we are to give away our power — maybe because this world is "dangerous" and there are "strangers" and then we have been unconsciously creating a "hiding spot" called this "family" thing to give a portion of our power away to, brainwashed into believing it is our so-called "safe home" and then don't know how to be real individual human beings, blind to knowing that we should be giving our power to OURSELVES, not family. We put ourselves in a "safe cage" called "family," blind to knowing what reality could actually be. Because we have been too used to it, already. Already became SO blind that it is almost impossible to see the truth any more.)

(And then we grew up with warm, loving memories of being fed delicious food, having lovely vacation trips with siblings, and how family is, indeed, a "safe, warm home." But this is actually just reinforcing the illusion; making the truth much harder to see now.)

(... I found that when I was growing up, and even today, that the concept of family is a HUGE part of my life suffering. What I mean is, when I lose friendships for example, I thought it was unfair I then see the person post a blog post about how grateful she is for her family and that "I am very close to my family." And I felt... sooo horrible. Like, IF I were her family member and I did the EXACT same things and said the EXACT same things, would she have broken friendship with me? And if HER family members did the exact same thing as me and said the exact same things I did, would she cut her family members out of her life? WHAT is the difference anyway?! Aren't we both human beings? I find this SO incredibly unfair!! Not only unfair, but also a major injustice of this world!! Even the concept of boundaries is, too.)

(... And ALL the times in my life where I suffered from the unfairness of the concept of family, for example: feeling like I am "only just an Internet friend" and will NEVER have any chance or priority over a person's family members. Like, this whole thing with "family is priority" is SO MUCH of an injustice in disguise. Just because I wasn't born in the same family as you, I don't get to have at least the same importance and priority as your family. SO unfair!! Maybe the whole world would be a much friendlier and understanding place and better off if everybody uninstalled the concept of family from their brains forever!!)

(Why is it that people blindly decide that "family is important"?! That bothers me SO much!! Not only that but also: why is it that "the dearest and most important person to me in the WHOLE world" HAS to somewhat always be your family members, your best friends, your boyfriend, your girlfriend, your spouse, God, your idols, your favorite artist, your favorite composer, etc? Why do people SO blindly and unconsciously only allow these to be "the most important and trusted people to me in the whole world"?! SO unfair and so much of an injustice in disguise!! Maybe one of the real main causes of suffering of human beings today and across the centuries is JUST stuff like this, and not whatever else you might have believed.)

(... The concept of family is probably much worse than the concept of religion because, for religion, at least a lot of people in the world are "aware about it." But the concept of family? It seems EVERYONE is still in one way or another blindly "supporting" that the concept means "closeness" or something, even people who hate their family and made their *friends* their real family, are still supporting the concept by saying their friends ARE their family!! What if, just what if, the concept of family is actually just another version of religion in disguise? Have you ever considered that?)

(... Both of these concepts are the same in that they seem to imply that you are to give away your power to something else other than yourself... even still the same with ANY "lighter ones," such as Buddhism... ALL actually the same. Both concepts of family and religion are rooted in fear, of the world. Both give you this "safe, warm home" idea to give you a false sense of "safety" about the actual truth about life.)

(Have you ever noticed that for the phrase called "family member," that there is this "member" word in it? Ever wondered why? Maybe whoever actually invented this phrase into our world accidentally slipped their tongues and revealed this clue about what the true colors of the concept of family is.)

(Steve Pavlina once wrote an article called "10 Reasons You Should Never Have a Religion," and you might not like his attitude and he might offend you, but I still recommend it. I remember first reading this thing back in 2008 or 2009 and thought he brought up some very intelligent things I never realized before!! Wow!!)

(I also recommend "How to Graduate From Christianity," "Ask Steve – What Religion Are You?," "Questioning Your Beliefs," and the Beyond Religion audio.)

(And while I am at it, talking about brainwashing that we grew up with that we have been blind to ALL of our lives, I will point out more of these things: the concept of respect, the concept of boundaries, the concept of politeness, the concept of agreeing or disagreeing, the concept of having a point, the concept of giving people a chance, the concept of being diplomatic, the concept of debating or aguing, the concept of opinions and perspectives, the concept of being well-mannered or having good manners, the concept of pride or being proud of your success and achievements, the concept of honor, the concept of being nice, the concept of being mature, the concept of being responsible, etc.)

(Yes, ALL of those ideals and things I mentioned are NOT good things AT ALL, and I DO mean that they are 100% and completely NOT good things AT ALL. But just really seem like good things in EVERY way. I might not be ever able to explain these things, and maybe "why these things are actually very very VERY bad things in disguise, but we are TOO blind to be able to see the truth" can never be expressed through the spoken or written language, but even so, I want to do the least to plant the seeds into your consciousness, regardless of whether the seeds I just planted will grow or wither, and regardless of whether you will be able to finally understand one day or not.)

(We are taught and brainwashed that we should be "polite," "nice," and "well-mannered." All our lives, we grew up being constantly shown these examples of why and how these things are so-called "good." ... but the TRUTH is that they are FAR from being good things!! But just that we have been so thoroughly brainwashed for all of our life, since the day we were born. Every single day, we are constantly brainwashed with examples in the world and in everyday conversation, that these are "good things." ... but the truth is that they are actually the COMPLETE OPPOSITE in disguise!!)

(All the bullshit of "________, but I respect your decision/opinion/etc" is, too. Every SINGLE time I hear something like that, deep down inside me I screamed and cried in deep suffering. Initially a suffering I didn't even know about, and I would think the "real cause" of this suffering was from something else or the person saying it, instead of the actual real cause. Yet I feel SO alone that "nobody will EVER understand WHY respect has always been Something Very Bad in Disguise.")

(It seems the people saying the "_________, but I respect it" bullshit seem to assume that they are being so-called "mature" or "very diplomatic" or that they are being some kind of "very civilized world citizen" or something. HOW on Earth is respecting others on the planet a so-called "mature" or so-called "civilized" thing? Or are you so brainwashed that you cannot even see that you are being a "brainwashed diplomatic, polite, respectful robot" instead of a real, free human?)

(Yet, I am trapped in a cage and unable to say things like "Actually, I don't want to be respected EVER. In my ENTIRE life, I have NEVER had ANY respect for you, my friends, my family, my favorite idols, my favorite people, God, Buddha, etc... NOT EVEN MYSELF." There is this fear and knowing that if I say things like "Actually, I never had ANY form of respect for you, others, and myself," people will definitely misunderstand because of having the concept of respect deeply, unconsciously installed inside their consciousness... since childhood.)

(I don't have ANY form of respect for the beauty of nature, lovely music and my favorite songs, Steve Pavlina's The Courage to Live Consciously article, Steve Pavlina himself, ANY of my illustration works, my Taiwan is My Country article, my successes and achievements, etc.)

(And I was NEVER ever once in my life proud of my successes and achievements, pleased with my life path, satisfied with myself and my life, polite with anyone, responsible for my life, had any good manners with anyone, agreed or disagreed with anyone, had an opinion or perspective or point of view or viewpoint or way of thinking, accepted anyone or any thing or any situation, etc.)

(I know you might not understand what I just said and I might have confused you, but this stuff is so important I feel I have to put it out there, regardless of whether you will ever be able to understand, whether I will get misunderstood by others, whether I will lose more friends, etc.)

(When someone is a "diplomatic, respectful, and civilized citizen," there is this pressure and deep suffering deep inside that you cannot say things like "What you said actually made me cry T__T And I feel SO hurt actually" or anything that is so-called "childish" or so-called "ill-mannered" or so-called "immature" OR ELSE you might be assumed to be so-called "young" or so-called "need to grow up" or so-called "being disrespectful" or so-called "sensitive" or so-called "uncivilized" or something. A part of your free will and humanity is trapped because of this concept severe disease known as Respect. At that moment in time, you are faced with a monster in disguise, so deeply and thoroughly brainwashed into thinking that they are being a so-called "mature" human being.)

(True maturity is letting yourself DARE show your real emotions and feelings from your heart. And if that means having to DARE "share my cry baby self," then so be it. Having the real COURAGE to be authentic. Having the COURAGE to be a real human being, even if people may think you are so-called "young" or so-called "sensitive" or so-called "disrespectful" or so-called "not an adult" or so-called "need to grow up" or something else.)

(True maturity is NOT about being "mature" and "civilized" citizen or "being responsible" or "an adult" or something AT ALL. How DARE people assume that I am so-called "sensitive" or so-called "young" on the Internet, maybe due to my so-called "enthusiastic" e-mails and my usage of things like "^^," "T__T," "XD," etc. How DARE people assume and ask me SUCH a dumb ass insulting question known as "Are you still studying or working? What do you do now?" after having already e-mailed each other a bit. And how DARE people naturally assume that my Taiwan is My Country article is so-called "politics" and then don't read it because of their bullshit limiting beliefs and brainwashing known as "staying away from politics." The article just really looks like it COULD be so-called "politics" but is FAR from it!! It is an article about love, and the personal story of a girl and her feelings with her country and the former president of Taiwan. NOT even CLOSE to being "about politics" AT ALL!! So so SO annoying when people DARE think my article is "politics"!! Maybe this whole "this is politics" and "stay away from politics" bullshit is another one of those brainwashing concepts we grew up with!!)

(I remember one probably 70-something senior I was communicating with when I worked on the case, after he read my article, he goes on to tell me something like "I just finished Taiwan is my Country and want to commend you for sharing your soul and inner thoughts with the public. Now for a suggestion. Write a new essay by reducing the content 80% and removing all references to yourself"... and then goes on to basically say that the Internet is "dangerous" and "In the world of international relations you have entered it might be pragmatic to keep some of your private thoughts just that way." And I was SO pissed off by how stupid he is. I do NOT want to write any articles that doesn't have a personal story in it. I also really hate it when people seem to assume that I am "young" and try to "take care" of me like that, "teaching" me that the world is so-called "dangerous." SO pissed off!! Also when recently the friend I mentioned in the earlier parts of this page, that I lost friendship with, told me that I am being "too close" to someone I don't know well and so-called "not letting things flow" and that my "over-closeness" has this so-called "tendency to push people away." And how "I know you didn't mean to do this, but just thought you know. Just my opinion" or something, and then I explained to her certain things about me and then somehow things became respectful from her and suddenly awkward. And you know the fate of that friendship. Maybe next time if someone has an "issue" with my so-called "over-friendliness" I shouldn't bother to friendly clarify things.)

(JUST by having the COURAGE to DARE be an authentic and REAL person, people mistakenly assume that I am "young"... I find this very insulting. People's limiting beliefs that "certain things" will tell that a person is so-called "young" or so-called "not mature" or so-called "don't have much life experience and wisdom." As if this world is simply telling us that we should hide ourselves and not be so-called "too emotional" or so-called "too enthusiastic" or so-called "too friendly." I find this very off-putting that we are brainwashed this Bullshit known as Respect with the whole idea that stuff like "respect all races, peoples, cultures, etc" and "be kind to all races, people, animals, etc" and "we need more kindness in this world" and "more love, more world peace, etc" blah blah blah things will create this more "civilized world" for humanity... but did these ideals and "social welfare"(?) stuff do that much? Or did people get brainwashed that these ideas are so-called "good"? And do I REALLY need to know that we need to have "more ~~ love ~~ <3, more kindness, more respect, more _______"? Do I REALLY need to know that we should be "more kind"? Especially when we don't live in a third-world country or Tibet or something. While it is understandable to preach and advocate these things, basically almost all the time I read or hear this stuff, I feel they are words from some very unintelligent humans that lacks substance.)

(Maybe we have been living in an illusion for ALL of our lives. This illusion known as Respect.)

(What really makes me very angry is that we are brainwashed to believe that crying is "immature" and that if you panicked over a recent incident and cried like a cry baby, then you are not as so-called "strong" as the so-called "mature adults" who don't cry. That we are told that being "strong" means that you don't cry in tough times and that you hide your feelings because only kids cry or it is "ill-mannered" to cry or something, brainwashed with this bullshit illusion that being this way is "civilized" or "mature" or something. And this makes me SO FREAKING ANGRY!!! Because the real truth is the OPPOSITE. Basically just fear in disguise; hiding the TRUTH that two of the MOST important elements to Human Strongness involves HEART and COURAGE, and crying comes from the heart. And having the COURAGE to DARE continue "sharing your cry baby self openly" even after you have been told many, many times that you should grow up, that you are NOT strong, that ________, and you are STILL constantly misunderstood to be "immature," even today, takes some very very REAL COURAGE. I also believe that using "^^" and "n__n" and all of these things comes from the heart, and I still want to do that regardless of whether people will continue to assume I am so-called "young" or so-called "enthusiastic" or so-called "obviously don't have much life experience or wisdom." And this takes COURAGE, too!!!)

(Respect and Boundaries, two of the most Bullshit and Evil things ever existed, maybe. Perhaps the REAL cause of murderers, war, etc is NOT what we thought but somehow *indirectly* caused by the Real Causes known as Respect and Boundaries. I was a thief at one point in elementary school, and I remember that one of the reasons I stole stuff was due to the fact that the world is "too cold, adult-ish, unfriendly." Maybe I was told to "grow up" and that I was "immature." And I probably also thought I was smarter than everyone, those dumb humans who don't understand how to be friendly, or something like that. So I stole stuff for "fun" to cause trouble, hoping that they would finally learn to have some common sense. But that didn't help and at one point in second grade when the teacher told me that she will call the police if I steal one more time, I was scared and stopped. People probably only respected me and were just being polite and nice, which are just "outer mask" bullshit instead of real-hearted friendliness. And I realized that if I had at least one Real-Heart Friendliness and Friendship instead of bullshit known as Niceness and Politeness, I would have *happily* stopped stealing and made good relation. I *wished* people would have the brain to understand that a criminal wants Real-Hearted Friendliness and that it was obvious if I stole things, they would finally get it. But that wasn't the case.)

(But because people were just Nice and Polite and Respectful and Cold and Adult-ish, trying to TEACH me that I "shouldn't" steal and that I should grow up, I just wanted to KEEP on stealing. Like, I had thought how stupid people were, not knowing how to be friendly and that obviously if someone is stealing, Love is the way or something. But people saw me with cold eyes and a trouble-maker existence and that made me just wanted to steal more. The more people tried to tell me that it was "wrong" to steal, the more I wanted to rebel against their stupid brains that don't know how to love and be smarter in this situation. Basically, if I like you, I won't steal from you, but if you hurt my feelings like some cold, polite, respectful, evil adult, I steal from you. And I probably wanted to rebel against these stupid humans that seem to automatically assume that ALL thiefs are bad or something. Like I probably somehow had the thought that stealing can be a beautiful Life Skill that can be used to help others, and that is very rare and special. Yet those dumb unfriendly humans only want to think about their fears and make criminal assumptions about me and whether I will rob the bank if I grow up, etc. And it really hurt my feelings. That people could not see through my heart and feelings, and ALL they saw and focused on was that I was a "troublesome child" and all of that. These evil humans, trying to teach "kindness" and "being understanding" yet contradict themselves and become Blind Idiots and didn't know how to better handle me. And I already KNOW that stealing is "bad" and I just wanted to teach the ones who are unfriendly to me before and yet preached "kindness" a lesson, and so being TOLD that stealing is bad and that I should grow up made me want to hate them more, and steal more. But if they had responded with friendliness, then I won't hate them anymore regardless of my past with them. And a new friendship will be born. Something like that.)

(So, I wonder whether criminals like murderers, shoplifters, etc. are actually Very Kind People in Disguise who lost hope with life, bit by bit, each year, through people's not kowing HOW to be friendly, somewhat similar to the way I thought, and then ALL of these sadness and nightmares pile up, and then they no longer want to care about humanity because people are Always Cold to criminals, and just nice and polite, etc. Like, NOBODY knows HOW to be friendly to criminals or something; people are JUST nice and polite, which is a LOAD of BULLSHIT!! Like, if the criminal really *experienced* a situation of True Friendliness from just ONE person, maybe they would NOT have grown up to be murderers (for example). And I believe that bullshit like Respect and Boundaries are a major cause of people's unfriendliness; WHY this world is not a friendly place, probably has a LOT to do with all the brainwashing, including the concept of family. Like, the "origin" and the Real Cause of all life problems, including war and murder, is actually the concepts of Respect, Boundaries, Family, etc. And then people blindly pass these things down through the history of all humanity until today, where the Truth behind these things like Family, Respect, and Boundaries are much harder to be seen, and then now we can only see the illusions that we have been living in for ALL our lives, so deeply and thoroughly convinced that they are so-called "good things.")

(Even in recent years, when I lost friendships, for one of the cases in 2012, I WISHED the person would have been FRIENDLY and said this instead: "Hey, maybe I am being blind and don't know any better, but ALL my friends hate your parcel, ALL my friends are complaining about you, you just make everyone uncomfortable, AND I REALLY hate everything you wrote in your letter, AND I feel very uncomfortable with you, AND no matter how I see you, you are just problematic and a parasite and a criminal. Like, I see NOTHING good about you as a person in this world. ALL I can see from you is bad things. Like, ALL you do is backstab people and ruin other people's lives!! And I actually am FULL of ANGER for you!! But, I am also open to the possibility that maybe there is a Higher Truth that we are all Completely Blind To, and that we all don't know better. Either way, even if I hate you and can only see that you are 100% EVIL, you ONLY exist on this planet to DO HARM TO EVERYONE!!!... are we able to still, somehow, be good friends anyway? XD So, like, what do you think? XD;;" I WISH people would be **friendly** like that in this kind of situation, instead of having this evil thing known as Respect and Boundaries rob away what it means to have a human heart and then go into Very CRUEL Adult Respectful, Lecture Mode and then all "please stop contacting me" and how "A person like you doesn't deserve to have ANYTHING good happen in your life" and "You deserve nothing good in life" and "All my friends are just too nice to you!! So that's why they don't bother to tell someone like you!!" and "Friends? Since WHEN were we ever friends? ALL you EVER did was backstabbed everyone!!" (we were very close friends back in 2006 and sort of 2007 and would spend hours chatting on MSN Messenger) and "In life, people grow up and get a job and don't have the time to write long e-mails and waste people's times and send parcels, etc etc etc" and bullshit like that. If people just uninstalled the whole Respect and Boundaries things from their brains forever, maybe the world wouldn't be suffering that much, across the centuries and generations and forever more. And we wouldn't have to deal with ROBOTIC DISEASED humans, thinking they are so-called "mature" or "civilized" about wanting their so-called "boundaries" to be so-called "respected.")

(If you are going to preach this "the world should be more kind" and "more compassion, more love, etc" blah blah blah bullshit things, then at least try learning how to be FRIENDLY with criminals, in the EXACT SAME WAY you would see your closest and dearest friends. If you are going to preach all this Bullshit known as "More Kindness," but you would cut people out of your life if they don't respect your opinion or boundaries or they make you feel uncomfortable or "violated" your trust or "backstabbed" you or something, then maybe you shouldn't even preach such Bullshit things known as More Kindness and Love and Compassion or something. I found that ALL the times I lost friendships, and then later discover that somewhere on their blog, book, etc they write about "more kindness," or "My family and I are very close and I am sooo grateful" blah blah blah I feel like this is INJUSTICE!!! Perhaps people should really learn how it feels like on the side of A Criminal or Someone Who Just Got Cut Out From Somebody's Life, HOW much of a Major Injustice it feels like learning and seeing that you care about these Bullshit Things known as Kindness or Expressing Gratitude or Love or something.)

(If you cannot be friendly to ex-murderers, in the EXACT SAME WAY you would to the most important person to you in the world, then maybe you shouldn't even preach all this "kindness, love, peace, respect, etc!!" blah blah blah bullshit. And I DO mean actual friendliness and NOT this Other Piece of Utter Bullshit in Disguise known as, like, "Being Nice" ... or this Yet Another Piece of Utter Bullshit in Disguise known as "Being Polite." I still think friendliness is a VERY rare thing in this world, and even right now as I write this, I am sort of "the only one" I know who I could consider to be in this level. ALL of my friends, other people I know, and other people and so-called "strangers" I met throughout my entire life, even when they had many "friendly moments" with me and were "actually friendly" many times, are STILL considered as only just "being nice" or "nice people" in my book!! So, I really want to put this out there to help confirm whether I could be "the only one" or whether I will discover interesting surprises. Especially because Friendliness is maybe one of the rarest thing in the whole world!! If you are actually friendly, then everything else takes care of itself and you won't even NEED any other Utter Bullshit in Disguise concepts like "being nice," "being polite," "having good manners," etc installed in your brain at all!!)

(I still wonder why we are so blind and stupid and brainwashed into thinking that a "Please respect me, or else I stop contact with you" bullshit is actually, like, mature or civilized or something. Hmm. HOW ABOUT, say, "Even if you don't want to respect me, my opinion, my boundaries, my principles, my religion, etc, and hate everything about me, maybe we can STILL somehow be good friends! Yay :D What do you think? XD" instead? At least this looks more, um, civilized. And I mean, if I HAVE to respect you or else I would be so-called "immature" or "need to grow up," is that even ethical? Like, I don't even have ANY respect for myself. I NEVER had any self-respect. I probably have self-confidence, self-worth, etc, but NEVER self-respect. And I never had ANY respect for my dearest and closest friends. And I don't want to respect you AT ALL either. And I don't care about your principles of life and don't want to respect it. Oh no! Does that mean we can't be good friends any more? I guess I'm doomed!!)

(When I receive a compliment like "I really admire and respect your abilities!! :D," I actually feel VERY uncomfortable, and receiving this kind of compliment makes me want to keep a distance and not be too close as friends. It is the respect part. I pay attention to people's vocabulary, as it can shed light upon a person's brain, concepts, beliefs, etc. And "respect" is one of the #1 "red flag" words I pay attention to in a person's e-mail, articles, speech, etc. Other words include "honor," "agree," "disagree," "opinion," "proud," "pride," "politely," "nice," "pleased," "deserve," "accept," "behavior," "apologize," "right" or "wrong" at times, "conduct," "responsibility," "humble," "argue," "principle," "debate," etc.)

(When I hear something like "Awww, I am so proud of you!!" or "Be proud of your successes! You deserve it!," there is this kind of feeling that something doesn't feel... right. The former actually does feel good for me, but also at the same time, a part of me might feel a bit nervous and I also sort of don't really feel that good or something. But the latter feels very strange.)

(I also feel uncomfortable when people agree with me. I remember years ago when someone said something like "I agree!! The book is very funny!!" I would have a one-second-like feeling and it doesn't feel good. At that time I would probably think something like maybe the person saying it is not that smart or something, but I eventually figured out the deeper reason of it.)

("Admire" comes from the heart, while "respect" comes from the mind. "Friendliness" comes from the heart, while "Niceness" and "Politeness" comes from the mind. "Having good manners," "being responsible," "accepting others," "being mature," etc ALL come from the mind. "Having a point," "making a point," "having a point of view or perspective," "agreeing or disagreeing," etc... all come from the mind. An "opinion" or "point of view" is an illusion from the mind and actually doesn't exist; maybe the same as how Respect is an illusion we have been living in for ALL of our lives. As for "being understanding with others" and the concept of "appreciation"... as much as I would like to say they are from the heart, I found a LOT of times they only come from the mind.)

(If I feel that you seem to assume that what I am saying is my so-called "opinion," "point of view," "perspective," "viewpoint," or "way of thinking"... then I will likely keep a distance from you. I don't know whether this could EVER be explained in a way you can understand, but it is so important that I want to put it out there on this page. If I figured out this stuff by myself, then maybe, just maybe, someone out there might have figured out this stuff, too. I also want to confirm whether or not I am "the only one" who figured it out. Maybe you won't EVER understand what I mean when I say that I NEVER had a point of view, I NEVER had my own opinion, and I NEVER EVER once agreed or disagreed with anyone. But even so, and even if you are likely to misunderstand me for the REST of your life, and even if I may lose more friends from saying these things, and even if you may forever think I am "weird," I still want to let you know I don't feel good when you naturally assume that I have a "way of thinking" or "a point of view" or "opinion" or something. If you ever had any contact with me before, you might think that I have agreed or disagreed with you. If I e-mailed you something like "I absolutely LOVE your article on ______!! Everything you said, it resonated with me SO much! Thank you so much for taking the time to write that article and for willing to share your thoughts and feelings with the world!!," you might have naturally assumed that I agreed with what you wrote in the article. However, I NEVER did, but that it was only your natural assumption.)

(I NEVER "made a point" in my articles. I NEVER "justified" anything. I NEVER "argued" anything. I NEVER "had a point" in my e-mails or articles, either. I might LOOK like I did do any of these things, but it is only because of the current CONCEPTS and BELIEFS that are installed in your brain right now. It was only your assumption.)

(I also don't feel good when people say "Exactly!! You said it right!!" or anything like that. "Exactly!" is probably the same as agreeing with me. Maybe it might also have something to do with how I "made a good point" or something. Also, there is something about the attitude(?) that doesn't feel good. These things may make me want to keep a distance from you and NOT be close to you.)

(I also feel very uncomfortable when people seem to assume that I am "an enthusiastic kind of person," "a cheery kind of person," "a _________ kind of person." Bothers me SO MUCH!! Putting these "labels" onto Human Souls (which can be a PROFOUND thing!!) is just STUPID. Or trying to use their Robotic Theory-Like Brainwashed Brains to try "classify" a Human Soul into some "Understandable Identification." This is really just Stupidity in Disguise, yet SO many people on the planet seems to be like this!! I remember many years ago when I was told something like "You are an enthusiastic kind of person, so it is a bit hard for me to understand you and why you are the way you are" which sounded like BULLSHIT and stupidity to me. If you try to "analyze" or "define" or "classify" or "interpret" or "dissect" or "research" or "study" or "identify" or "learn more about" me, in order to "understand" me more or "learn" more about me or my so-called "thought processes" or "special or unusual way of thinking" or "attitude" or "behavior" or something, then I want to keep a distance from you!! The Cause and Effect and Basic Logic or Reasoning has MAJOR PROBLEMS here, and so I would want to stay away from you in at least some way!! The "______ is a X kind of person" or "______ is a Y type of personality" things are basically the same bullshit, too!! Even the "male" and "female" thing is bullshit too... I HATE it when people "think" or "assume" that I am so-called "female"... makes me want to STAY AWAY from you too!! There is also this "personality test" thing that people say is accurate and stuff, but I find it JUST ANOTHER bullshit in disguise that people are brainwashed to believe. I also wonder about the whole "IQ" and "EQ" things too... and what the actual truth behind it is... whether that is actually not the truth but people studied that and it became widespread and then it SOUNDS and SEEMS like the truth so people blindly take it in without question. Something like that. Sometimes I wonder whether people think too much that they rob away their human consciousness(?) and then don't know how to understand things that are SO SIMPLE! And what makes me SO ANGRY is also stuff like this: because I do something "unusual" or "strange" like keeping ALL of my packaging, boxes, etc from eBay purchases and other purchases, I was being "defined" or "interpreted" or "classified" or "identified" or "viewed" or "seen" or "assumed" as a so-called "interesting person." Or have so-called "fascinating behavior" or so-called "_______ disorder" or so-called "_______ personality" or some other bullshit like that. Also makes me ANGRY when people seem to think I am a so-called "sentimental person" or a "sensitive person"... like, seriously? What's with this BULLSHIT and IDIOCY in Disguise that MANY people are into?! SO many people seem to at least unconsciously believe in this bullshit. Some MAJOR brainwashing, perhaps. I am very, very, VERY UNCOMFORTABLE also when people say something like "You use interesting emotion icons :D" or "Your emotion icons are interesting ^_^" or something... like, something about it felt really horrible for me, when the person talked about my usage of maybe something like "n__n" or something like "T___T" or whatever. Or when people find me "interesting" and are "playful" with me or "enjoying" me in their e-mails, especially when they seem to think so-called "female" have so-called "very fascinating behavior, psychology, attitude, shit, etc." Like, whatever. Screw this.)

(And then there is this whole thing about "The Five love languages" or something, which is pretty much the same bullshit. We are also brainwashed this bullshit known as "being tactful" or some human relations "techniques" or "strategies" or something. Also some other bullshit known as "maintaining" your relationship or marriage. Like people seem to "schedule" special time with their spouse, "try to arrange" ways to spend time with their spouse, etc. ALL of that, SO strange. Yet it feels as if maybe EVERYONE is doing this, and this does make me wonder about humanity. ALL of this trying to "understand" or "learn more about" or "maintain" a friend, lover, partner, or spouse is SO strange!!! Almost like there is some kind of deep, inner whispering going on, saying: "I don't believe or trust in my friend, partner, or spouse THAT much, so I NEED to 'maintain' it or use 'human relations' techniques like touching the other on the shoulder or flirting or shaking or HOLDING hands, or 'arrange' some time to spend together, etc etc etc IN ORDER to 'keep' or 'strengthen' our relationship." Like, if this "actions speak louder than words" is true here, then maybe this is saying A LOT about your relationship, but that maybe you brainwashed yourself into really believing that your love is Very Strong, and then needing to RELY on using these outer things like "scheduling time" or "make time to discuss each other's feelings" or "hold hands when you speak to each other" etc etc etc, to actually like so-call "strengthen" your relationship. Relying on ALL of these OUTER things to "strengthen" a human bond... SO INCREDIBLY STRANGE!!! Also that it seems there this bullshit about "maintaining" the so-called "different areas" of your life, and making sure that your so-called "demands" or "needs" are met or something. That is STRANGE, too. And with relationships, it seems like people get a partner, boyfriend, girlfriend, etc or get married to "fulfill" some kind of "need" or some kind of "happiness factor needed" thing or something. And THAT is STRANGE, too. And then!!! People brainwash themselves into this ULTIMATE ILLUSION they have been LIVING IN for SO LONG, that their love with their Partner is so-called "Strong.")

(ALL of this "being tactful" or "human relations" techniques or strategies, they are just some "outer mask" bullshit. Maybe similar to the whole "being polite" or "being nice" bullshit. If someone I meet in person for the first time tries to SHAKE HANDS or TOUCH MY SHOULDER (human relations "technique" here), I might become cautious and might want to keep a distance from you!! If you need to "convey more trust" or "convey more intimacy" through RELYING on the usage of ALL of these BULLSHIT studies or research about how, say, touching certain parts of a person's body can stimulate some hormones(?) or whatever, then that is SO BULLSHIT of you. SO FAKE. SO "Outer" and Lack-of-Substance Level of Human Bond, needing to RELY on such "tactics" to so-call "increase friendship/lover rate" or something. No depth. JUST PURE "outer mask" BULLSHIT. SO brainwashed of you. And I seriously still wonder why SO many people believe in all this "the 5 love languages" bullshit; another one of those "outer" things that probably show that your bond with your lover is actually NOT as strong as you might have thought ALL OF THESE YEARS of your life so far!!! There is also this other bullshit known as "gesticulate when you talk" or how you need to "show" what you tell or something... probably also all of these public speaking stuff or advice or something. And maybe because Public Speaking is something FULL of being "Outer Mask"-ish and living up to this "outer image" of yourself or something. Even if you are not living up to an "outer image" of yourself, the idea that you need to use "outer things" such as "show what you tell" or "gesticulate when you talk" to increase the influencial and understanding power of what you want to convey to your audience, something about that is still... strange. If "actions speak louder than words," then the idea that you need to rely on these "outer things" like human relations "strategies" — "gesticulate when you talk" or "showing" what you tell — to increase influencial power, that is strange!! ALL very "outer mask"-ish. Calling your lover or spouse some bullshit like "honey," "wifey," "sweetheart," "darling," "deary," "sweetiepie," "愛," "老婆," "親愛的," "あなた," etc. etc. etc. is probably all the same "outer mask" strategies to so-call "strengthen" or "increase more loving feelings" for your partner, which is BULLSHIT. If I need to have a partner, I will still call them only by their FIRST NAME (or nickname), and EXACTLY the same as I have already been doing it as friends... and would call them if we were ONLY friends. I don't need to "change" anything from friendship to marriage; it's SO STRANGE when Friendship Only "levelled up" to a Lover relationship, people "change" things!!)

(If someone is treating me like a "potential lover" or a "female" or trying to use "strategies" from all those bullshit research about "helping stimulate hormones or certain brain cells or whatever" to help "induce more loving feelings" or whatever, then I keep a distance!! If someone is trying to "date" me, I am uncomfortable for the same reasons. Because it might be some kind of "5 love languages" bullshit kind of Level of Human Bond. Very "outer mask," very brainwashed. So VERY relationship-ish Level of existence. Probably a kind of "fulfilling needs met" Level of existence. Probably some kind of "romance acquired" Level of existence. LACK of substance. FULL of a VERY brainwashed Level of existence. The typical "outer mask" Level of so-called "true love" in this world. My existence might just be a "partner" and THAT bothers me!! I am a HUMAN BEING, and NOT a your "potential partner/lover!! I want to be treated as the EXACT SAME human being as you, and NOT someone as the so-called "opposite sex.")

(I am also very uncomfortable when people ask "opinion questions." Like, "What do you think about ______? Do you believe that ______? Or _______?" Stuff like that. Maybe part of why I also had a one-second-like feeling when people ask those "getting to know you better" questions has a similar reason. OR, maybe it is because those "trying to know or learn about you more" questions come from the idea that you use your MIND to "try" to "learn" about a person through more plain bullshit-like question and answer... well, something about is SO STRANGE!! A human being, with a heart and a soul, with maybe even DEPTH, yet one seems to believe that using the the LOWER LEVEL of EXISTENCE, known as the MIND, can help "learn" or so-call "understand" a human being "better"... a LOT of times, it's total bullshit!! Trying to so-call "understand me more" through "plain level of question and answer back and forth" really SUCKS. Maybe using your *heart* and NOT your mind to "talk" to me, along with instincts and intuition is a better way to "get to know me better," perhaps. It's probably related to all of that "classifying" or "identifying" stuff I explained above. I also tend to find the "How are you?" question very strange. Like, if I were well (or NOT well), I would have *already* told you WITHOUT being asked anything. So being asked that question might create some uncomfortable or awkward feelings if, say, I am feeling sad, but DON'T want to tell you, but you ASKED for it...)

(When people were in elementary school, there probably weren't really the Very Evil Thing called "respecting others' opinion." When people talked, they spoke with their FEELINGS and maybe their HEARTS. You can probably have conversations with them and "complain" about anyone, and things can be easy and understanding. But then maybe around middle school, people start to be infected with the "maturity" disease known as Respect, Being "Fair" With Others, Responsibility, Boundaries, and so on. People start to LOSE their ability they could use to "understand" me before, and then start to tell me things like how I should "have respect others' opinion" and how "you have NO respect for others" and "in life, people grow up and learn how to ________" and so on. People's HEARTS, SENSES, and FEELINGS start to "weaken" as they continue along life, and then their MINDS start to become "stronger" and "stronger" as life goes on. They become LESS HUMAN and more like a BRAINWASHED ROBOT as life goes on. And then now as adults, people are DISEASED like this, with ALL of this brainwashing on being so-called "fair" or "mature" or "civilized." Almost as if maybe around middle school, people's hearts started to change color and become "evil." When people were in elementary school, they really seem to know HOW to be REAL human souls, not hiding any "true colors" or anything!! No one really is "polite" and hide behind such a "bullshit outer mask" like adults do!! People were REAL and HONEST, and NOT "fake and honest, behind a mask" like adults do AT ALL!! No one really cares about "eating healthy food" or "being vegetarian" or anything like that! People just ate what they LOVED and didn't "think too much." Probably no one has this UTTER BULLSHIT called "With close friends and family, it's okay to not really care what you say or do or think, BUT with strangers and people you don't know well, you have to be THOUGHTFUL, KIND, POLITE, and NICE." BULLSHIT!! Very very very VERY "OUTER MASK" ONLY thing here!!! Like "just for show" thing and "hiding TRUE COLORS" from "strangers" or "people they don't know that well" like me. I HATE it when people are SO ANGEL-LIKE to me when they accidentally bump into me in the streets, but then when they turn around to their family members or children, they start BITCHING about how "careless, blah blah blah" they were to accidentally bump into me!! This is a VERY MAJOR WORLD PROBLEM in disguise!! Maybe even ALL of my Life Problems and SUFFERING from some native Japanese people are because of this bullshit "Wearing a POLITENESS mask and be all ANGEL-LIKE to HIDE THEIR TRUE COLORS" but then at the same time delude or BRAINWASH themselves into believing this is so-called "courtesy" or "part of the beautiful culture of Japan" or something. BULLSHIT. Even with native Taiwanese people I have this issue a LOT, where Taiwanese has this seemingly VERY INCREDIBLY FAMOUS REPUTATION of being "the world's most FRIENDLY people on Earth," but is actually TOTAL NONSENSE in disguise. I am still SO bothered that people think that Taiwanese people are so-called "friendly"!!! UGH!!)

(Japanese people wear this bullshit "POLITENESS mask," while Taiwanese people wear this YET ANOTHER bullshit mask called the "FRIENDLINESS mask"... but both are pretty ROTTEN HUMANS in disguise, hiding their TRUE COLORS!!)

(It REALLY PISSES ME OFF when I see foreigners like American people or British people or others speak or use the Japanese language, and they sound like ANGELS when they speak to the native Japanese. And seem to have this "very good Angel relation" with the native Japanese. But then "turn their BACKS after done conversation with native Japanese people" and back to English, they are BACK to sounding like BITCHES at times, again. What a bunch of FAKE and DISHONEST people in this world!!! And then maybe the native Japanese people are Blind Idiots and will tell their OTHER native Japanese friends or family something like "Foreigners are SO LOVELY AND KIND!" blah blah blah Bullshitting 100%. UGH!!)

(Seriously, if you are going to use the "polite forms" or "Be an ~~ angel ~~!" with native Japanese people, then YOU'D BETTER be that EXACT SAME WAY when you interact with family, close friends, and EVERYONE on the planet in English and other languages. And be REAL like that. I hate hate HATE how much of a PHONY ASS ROTTEN HUMAN people become when they use the Japanese language or speak with the native Japanese. ALL THIS "ANGEL RELATIONSHIP" THAT PEOPLE HAVE WITH THE NATIVE JAPANESE, UGH!! Pisses me off!!! In fictional works like animation and video games, there is an important CLUE on HOW the Japanese language SHOULD be used in so-called "reality." Yet in this so-called "real world" we BRAINWASHED ourselves to NOT use the Japanese language the EXACT SAME WAY the fictional characters do. The fictional characters are more REAL than us, while we, in the so-called "real world" act like FAKE people. And this is SO MESSED UP!! Maybe we should LOOK UP to these fictional characters, since they know how to be REAL human beings, much more than WE do!! In fiction, the characters who uses "polite forms" seem to ALSO use the "polite forms" FOR family and everyone ELSE. So, the gentle "polite" characters are REAL unlike us in the so-called "real world" being FAKE with the "polite forms" and wearing this "social mask." As for the other characters that DON'T use "polite forms," they DON'T use it on "strangers" either. So, they are REAL. (Once I saw a character use the "polite form" IN FRONT OF a beautiful, sexy girl he seems to have a crush on, but for that case ONLY... and for a BIT only. After that, he later continues to go without "polite forms." So, he is still being REAL.)

(We should learn wisdom from these characters. Like, we probably have a LOT to learn about life FROM fictional characters. They are probably our wise role models and seem to know so much more than we do. They know how to live.)

(I feel like such a VERY PHONY FAKE ASS PERSON every single time when I am with family. Like I am just putting this "mask" on. My family won't EVER be able to understand the REAL me, and if I want to be SMART in life, putting the "mask" on is the way. So I do my best to AVOID contact in person as much as POSSIBLE with family, but that if there is contact I try to be, uh, "nice." And also appreciative of any free food or stuff like that. I tried to be friendly but that was VERY difficult. I find it much much MUCH EASIER to be friendlier and VERY REAL with "evil unfriendly people" in the world, and VERY HARD for family regardless whether it is good moment or bad moment with them. Something like that. And I put on this FAKE ASS "normal person" image as much as I can. AND... I LIE about my life, my thoughts, my decisions, etc... a LOT. I think my soul is suffering ALMOST EVERY SINGLE TIME a family member is nearby. Deep soul cries, deep soul suffering. Not only that but also if someone living nearby, like the neighborhood or somewhere in this area I live in, I also try to put on this "mask" IN CASE if they know my family. Even if it is not in this area, like anywhere else in Taiwan, I might try to put on a "mask" because people seem to have this VERY BULLSHIT LIMITING BELIEF that "family means closeness" and that "if you don't really know THAT MUCH about your family or if you are not really THAT close with your family, then you MUST have some kind of PROBLEM or CANNOT BE TRUSTED"... or SOMETHING like that!! Ugh, ALL of this VERY BULLSHIT concepts and beliefs that are installed in people's brains!! Every time I am asked about family when I leave the house, I tend to LIE about HOW CLOSE AND HAPPY I am with my family but that "we live our own lives and they are 100% okay with it and not worried etc" and BULLSHIT like that. I REALLY don't like to leave the house that much or make new friends directly in person. ALL of my life so far, making new friends directly in person has been such a "lack of substance" existence. My REAL friends IN Taiwan, I actually met through the Internet. THEN later met in person (or not yet). It's so much easier to AVOID "questions about or related to family" through the Internet and treat people as INDIVIDUAL HUMAN BEINGS and make REAL FRIENDSHIPS. But the other way around? Total waste of time, ugh.)

(I kind of feel like a part of me grew up wondering WHY people would ask SUCH STUPID QUESTIONS like "How many siblings do you have?" or "What does your parents do?" or "What is your family upbringing like?" etc etc etc. WHY do people ask these USELESS questions that have NOTHING to do with ME?! Like, people seem to assume that they will "know me better" if they know about my family or my past or my upbringing, which is SO ANNOYING!! So so SO BULLSHIT!! One of the major brainwashing questions of the world perhaps!! Seriously, if you really want to "know me better" through asking questions, shouldn't you be asking questions about ME and NOT my family?! Is this not Basic Logic and Reasoning? Seriously? I also find it SO annoying when I leave the home and the apartment lady would ask me something like "How are your parents recently and where are they now?" and shit like that. Like, I don't even know and care that much. And WHY ask ME this stuff?! I really hate leaving the house having to deal with "family questions" from like everyone and even potential new friends. SO annoying!! Even when people keep in touch or introduce themselves for the first time, they may TALK ABOUT either their boyfriend, girlfriend, partner, spouse, brother, sisters, parents, kids, etc. And a part of me might wonder "WHY are you telling me about your kids, spouse, boyfriend, or siblings anyway? What does this have to do with YOU anyway? Do you not have not enough self-worth or self-value for yourself that you need to have a portion of your FOCUS to be ON family members or your partner in a certain way?")

(There is something about TALKING ABOUT family in a SELF-INTRODUCTION or an "About (Myself)" page that is so so so SO strange!! I might find these sentences some kind of "red flag": "I am married and have two kids," "I have X siblings; Y brothers and Z sisters," "My grandmother is very _______," "I have a boyfriend and I met him 8 months ago," "My middle name comes from my grandfather and so it is important to me!," etc. I really DON'T CARE how many siblings you have or who your family are, I just care about YOU. And YOU only. An INDIVIDUAL HUMAN BEING. And NOT some person who is "connected" to a "family" thing, which is an organization in disguise. Maybe one of the reasons I am pretty much sort of only comfortable with Single people, and when the person suddenly gets a boyfriend or girlfriend or something and then I start to feel uncomfortable in at least some way, has something to do with this. Like probably some kind of "ONE person = more trustworthy and intelligent, and NOTHING to worry about!" thing and "a person connected with a partner = not as secure and sometimes maybe can unconsciously become Blind or stupid because of their partner; NOW I have SOMETHING to worry about!" And then I would VERY LIKELY start to worry about whether the person will say any BULLSHIT like "Awww, my husband is the MOST LOVELIEST MAN on Earth and is a VERY FRIENDLY person!!" and then I *happen* to have some "luck" and then SUFFERED from her husband very badly in PRIVATE HELL all alone, and have to think "That's ABSOLUTE BULLSHIT you said that your husband is so-called 'very friendly'! He's FAR from being so-called 'very friendly,' OKAY? What a Blind Idiot you are, spreading INACCURATE ASS INFORMATION about your husband!! UGH!!!" or something. Like, when a person gets a partner, things become LESS trustworthy or complicated.)

(And there are also awkward moments of when the person seems to probably, like, understand that Taiwan is a country but you wonder whether their PARTNER does or not? But you also sort of cannot do anything about it AND they don't seem to care enough to want to tell or correct their partner about it. Maybe because of Respect and Boundaries bullshitting? Either way, this is SO complicated and messed up!! SO AWKWARD!!! If people were SINGLE, then I wouldn't have to worry about the whole Taiwan thing and feeling AWKWARD and Complicated Situation about it!!)

(There is also this thing about how if a person's spouse has problems with you, then you may lose friendship with your friend for no reason. Like, you have a VERY good relation with your friend, and then their spouse complained about you, and told them to Stop Contact with you, then it's all over. SAME THING with families. If a person's sibling or cousin complains about you, then maybe you will lose friendship. It's all SO annoying!! This whole "partner" or "family" bullshit where people don't BE INDIVIDUALS and HAVE to be "connected" to another person. SAME THING with friends of your friends we all know; if a mutual friend complains to another friend about you, then you are most likely doomed. Perhaps growing up in this society has made people brainwashed into believing that being "alone" or Single is so-called "bad," "wrong," or "problematic," and that if you have a partner or a somebody-to-be-close-with or family, THEN you will be considered "the right kind of person." Like, if you want to be Single or LIVE ALONE or even BE ALONE, people are BRAINWASHED into thinking that there is something, like, "wrong" or "lonely" or something. Soooo much brainwashing!! Maybe this somehow *indirectly* led to people "relying" on a friend, partner, family member, or others, and then caused a lot of unnecessary suffering in this world!! ... And no one stays "one person" due to brainwashing. No one "relies" ON themselves.)

(Even if I know that I won't ever be able to know who your spouse is, and that they won't know me at all either, there is STILL some kind of a very uneasy feeling... at least somewhere. Like, it doesn't feel the same any more... compared to the time you were Single. Something doesn't feel that right any more. Almost as if getting a partner causes other people secret life sufferings that they are unable to tell you or anyone about (or else they could be "strange" or "wrong" or "very disrespectful" or something else), while being Single is a breath of fresh air to people's very deepest secret wishes.)

(Did you know that being Single is a very inspiring thing? A very lovely thing that the world NEEDS more of!! And so so so SO MUCH MORE OF!! A sign of Hope. A Gift for the World. A Possibility for you to be even more Free. A Beautiful Living Example of Someone Showing OTHER Single People that it is All Right, and even MORE THAN All Right, to be Single!! A Medicine for the Whole World!!! There are times where I am worried ABOUT whether a Single person would ONE DAY get a partner, get married, have kids, and all of that. It happened quite some times already. And then in the "smart" phone era, getting married and having kids is something I am EXTREMELY uncomfortable with, while in the past it was something I "might be annoyed at unconsciously but also never really paid any attention to" and didn't think much about. If you are Single, then I hope what I am saying here makes you feel MUCH BETTER about yourself, and that you don't feel sad or lonely any more! You are an inspirational existence JUST by being Single!! And the world needs more of people like you!! PLEASE keep on being Single!! Like, PLEASE!!!)

(Single people are a medicine to my sufferings!!)

(Family is this bullshit illusion concept for people to HIDE their TRUE COLORS from the world, so they get to keep all of their ROTTEN self fully shown inside the home, while to "strangers" and everyone else, put on a "fake social mask" of so-called "KINDNESS" and other bullshit-in-disguise shit. Seriously, if this family concept is really SUCH a so-called "closeness" thing or so-called GOOD thing, then why can't we have the 100% COMPLETE FREEDOM to leave or return to our family at ANY time we want? Since ALL of your family members are probably a "membership" in disguise, if this concept of family is TRULY so-called "rooted in Love and Trust," then WHY is there not the LOVE and TRUST to let ANY of your family members LEAVE you or cancel their family membership at any time WITHOUT needing an explanation, TRUSTING that everything will be all right!!... somehow. And if a member does tell you their reason for leaving you, they tell it because their HEART 100% wants to tell you and cares about your feelings and NOT because they HAVE to or "should" tell you why OR ELSE they might be "undisciplined," "disgraceful," "disrespectful," "will go to Hell one day," "will be punished by fate or karma or whatever," etc.)

(If family REALLY means so-called "closeness," then WHY is there not the FULL FREE HUMAN WILL to let your family members cancel or unsubscribe their membership or renew or re-subscribe their membership back and forth (or never) at ANY time they want? Perhaps this alone will reveal the true colors of what this so-called "family" concept actually is. Like, it is a Lifetime FORCED Membership that you are STUCK with for the REST of your life!! Is it even... ethical...? To have a FORCED membership for the REST of your life...? And then family also has "rights" or "ownership" on you or something, and they can DO THINGS WITHOUT YOUR CONSENT. Like, buy houses under your name or start bank accounts under your name or whatever. ALL, like, "for your benefit" or "this is called ~~LOVE~~" blah blah blah... Man, SO DELUDED EXISTENCE!!!)

(Then there is this ID card thing. I guess these legal "ID cards" are, like, supposed to, like, help authorities identify or confirm MY identity. But then, WHY is there SO MUCH UNNECESSARY INFORMATION like these "Father," "Mother," and "Spouse" fields on the back of Taiwan's ID cards? Like, WHAT does these things have to do with confirming ME anyway? So if I get married, WHAT does my spouse have ANYTHING to do with ME anyway? AND... many years ago for a JLPT exam, I accidentally dropped my ID card but didn't know I dropped it (because it was a depressing time AND I don't care my ID card anyway). I used to leave my ID cards and other legal cards at home because I don't like them. But I needed to bring it outside with me for a JLPT exam many years ago. One day I suddenly received a phone call from some authority who was NOT FRIENDLY and basically called me to tell me HOW careless I am to lose my card and how it is "dangerous" to drop your card and maybe "mafia" and others can reuse it and blah blah blah, and then basically gave me a Lecture about how Very Ridiculously Careless I am and how I would like to have my card picked up or something. And I DID wonder whether this UNFRIENDLY BITCH was looking at my card and thought Bullshit like, "I see, so THESE are the parents of this CARELESS and Disgraceful JLPT Examinee. AND, she is NOT married by this age... I see, maybe she has TROUBLE with partners.")

(I think it was probably partially because of THIS experience with an Asshole Authority, about my ID card that I don't care about, that I DON'T want to sign up for JLPT exams any more. I think I wanted to minimize the number of experiences I would have to bring my ID card or something. I really HATE how there are these USELESS fields on my ID card!! WHY can't stuff like Father, Mother, and Spouse be stuff that is for the private records only?! SO UNCOMFORTABLE with that Bitch knowing these unnecessary information!!)

(If one day I could somehow ~~ERASE~~ ALL of those Totally Bullshit Fields known as "Father," "Mother," and "Spouse" from my ID card, THEN maybe I might want to start CARING about my card! I wonder whether that could, somehow be... possible. Perhaps by courageously and openly PUTTING all of this information out there on my site, I might somehow open the doors of possibility for this one day. Maybe also open the doors of possibility to let people freely change their "FAMILY NAME" (which I HATE that term for, so I always say "LAST NAME" instead) to anything they want to, as long as they pay money. Since it is possible for people to freely change their Last Name to ANYTHING they want it to be and very EASILY do it COMPLETELY on their own FREELY as an INDIVIDUAL HUMAN BEING in places like New Zealand and some other countries, then it should somehow be possible inside Taiwan... one day. Somehow.)

(Did you know that you can even FREELY and VERY EASILY change your birthday AND birth YEAR in Nepal? AS EASY AS SIMPLY PAYING MONEY, AND THEN IT IS DONE. Like getting or renewing your passport, perhaps. Maybe a human being is truly in charge of their own destinies, and maybe that is how life SHOULD be. Also very very very VERY "entrepreneurship," "creating your own destiny," and "leaving a legacy"-like for me, and I LOVE the idea!!)

(Maybe, just maybe, one of the reasons people want to change their birth year could be related to numerology or astrology and something to do with fate in regards to these things. Same thing with changing FULL NAME as well. I remember once I read that someone changed their LAST name because of "bad luck" reasons and then basically right after they changed it to a word that is very meaningful to them, their life started to change. I find all of these things quite fascinating. Not sure whether I want to believe in this stuff through numerology and astrology, probably because there is a part of me that believes I "own" these things and that I am "beyond" them. I believe in the idea of conscious destiny creation AS a very individual human being, without ANY single thing to do with any "beliefs" like numerology and astrology. LOVE the idea of entrepreneurship; "creating your own destiny" and "creating your very own identity" ALL through your own will WITHOUT anything else.)

(So in case if anyone is deeply suffering in their hearts and souls from NOT being able to change their LAST Name to ANYTHING they want it to be, I hope what I am writing here gives you a sign of hope for you... that things are still possible... somehow. Somehow, there will be a way.)

(I hope I can be the medicine and miracle for you here... about changing your last name freely.)

(It's still possible... somehow.)

(Please don't give up hope!)

(Back in October 2009, I contacted the writer of the Changing Your Name article, and asked her about how she was able to FREELY change her LAST name, probably also because that was "new information" to me at the time and I found it very fascinating. I also told her that I tried to do that but faced ALL sorts of PAINFUL and INJUSTICE experiences and questions asked by authorities and others, and I suffered BADLY in Taiwan trying to do this. Also some stuff like "NO ONE changes their LAST name in the world!! Are you crazy?! Do you have brain problems?" or "If you were only changing your FIRST name, then it would be okay. But LAST name? Wow, you are really such a VERY ROTTEN and DISGRACEFUL human who doesn't deserve good in your life!" or "You should learn how to be RESPECTFUL to your parents," etc. etc. etc. And LOTS of other "traumatic" stories for me. And I wondered how SHE was able to do it. She replied to me with: "Well, I just filled in a form that I got in New Zealand, from the Departments of Births, Deaths & Marriages. It was really easy! I changed all of my names at once, bam bam bam, just like that! & when people ask me why I did it, I just say it came to me in a dream & it sounded like a good idea... You don't have to get into the grisly details if you don't want to! Hope this helps. Good luck! Love ever, Gala.")

(I seriously wonder, like, WHAT ON EARTH is the difference between First Name and Last Name anyway? It doesn't even make ANY sense. Like, authorities and people were like "if it were only First Name, then it is okay"... and... SERIOUSLY? Why? Yet if you want to change your LAST name WITHOUT MARRIAGE, then they START to show their TRUE COLORS and act like Ultimate EVIL Bitches of Doom. They were probably like "If you change your last name WITHOUT MARRIAGE, then you are a VERY CRUEL, DISRESPECTFUL, and very DISHONORABLE PERSON who doesn't deserve to have a good life!!" or "LAST names must only be changed THROUGH MARRIAGE. Doing it without marriage? HOW SHAMEFUL AND ROTTEN OF YOU TO EVEN THINK THAT!!" or something. I guess the true colors of this EVIL-IN-DISGUISE concept of family and concept of marriage should become CLEARER to you now!! I must have "violated" their boundaries I guess, which probably means I am EVIL and DOOMED for life!! Oh no, I should go to Hell now!! They also tend to have Very Bullshit Reasons about how if you change your name to someone else's name and commit a crime and hide your identity, people won't know who you are or all of that shit. And I was thinking something like "Seriously? Is your SO STUPID BRAINS only thinking of crimes and shit? Plus there is ALL THE STUFF IN THE PRIVATE RECORDS!! If I change my name and commit crime, the stuff is STILL in the private records. What an idiot. AND WHAT ABOUT ALL THE OTHER PEOPLE OUT THERE who DID change their names fully?")

(I hope that if you happen to have suffered deeply from not being able to FREELY change your last name, then that reading these stories is like a medicine and miracle to your secret sufferings!!)

(I also admire this part from the Changing Your Name article: "In doing all of this, I realised the worth & value of names, & how they shape us as a person. Changing my name really woke me up to how we are in charge of our own destinies, & having a name that was entirely mine made me feel like an intrepid traveller, in a sense. I mean, of course I am my parents’ daughter, but I don’t have their name — or the name they gave me — to hide behind any more. I am me, I stand up for myself, I have my own convictions & goals & for some reason, shaking off the baggage of my old name really crystallised things for me. It’s definitely one of the best things I have ever done for myself. Not to mention, having a name you adore & are proud of makes you feel fabulous. These days we have the power to be whoever we want, live wherever we want, love whoever we want. I endorse seizing all those opportunities & really living.")

(It is SO annoying when people ALWAYS seem to "support" the concept of family even if they hate their family. Like, "My family and I are not that close, but I still love and appreciate them. All things have their good and bad." BULLSHIT. That "but I still love and appreciate them" part sounds like a TOTAL BULLSHIT. And even more BULLSHIT is the "All things have their good and bad" idiocy statement. Like, seriously? I KNOW that "all things have their good and bad," idiot. Do you REALLY need to tell me that "idiotic" statement? Ugh. Maybe people should be more TRUE to their FEELINGS, and say something like this instead: "I am not really that close to my family, and while there are a LOT of VERY GOOD things from my family that I am STILL incredibly grateful for, even today, I also don't really care about my family at the same time. And I am probably trying to CONVINCE or DELUDE myself into believing that my family and I are close, though." If people were REAL like that when it comes to this World Brainwashing in Disguise Concept known as the concept of family, which is a concept that is rooted in fear and NOT "love," then maybe the world would be a better place.)

(Family is like some brainwashing concept about how "close" or "awww, LOVE~~" or "caring" family members are when you DON'T want to give them your CONSENT to do things, but they still decide to CARELESSLY do it anyway. And then DELUDE themselves into thinking bullshit like "This is called ~~LOVE~~" or "care" or "if we weren't SO CLOSE, then I would have needed your consent, but because we are ~~FAMILY~~ and SO CLOSE BOND, it's okay to NOT have your consent" blah blah blah Bullshitting 200%!! UGH!! And this is the SAME THING as that "just for show" mask, where family members HIDE THEIR TRUE COLORS as ROTTEN HUMAN BEINGS from "strangers," friends, and other people from the world, but show their TRUE colors REALLY well inside the family. And then ALL THIS BRAINWASHING that this is so-called "closeness"?! SERIOUSLY!? If you even have the SLIGHTEST tiny bit of annoyance somewhere VERY deep inside of you every time a family member SHARES something about you to someone else, then maybe the TRUTH is that you are actually NOT that "close" to your family as much as you may have been believing for ALL of your life so far!! An ILLUSION you have been living in for ALL of your life. That maybe, despite ALL of the loveliness and being able to talk about EVERYTHING with your family like no others, you have actually been living in a Illusion for ALL of your life so far and actually NOT close to your family... but just REALLY REALLY SEEMS like it in EVERY SINGLE WAY at the moment.)

(ESPECIALLY... when you actually would believe the "when people are CLOSE, they might have times when they argue with each other" Bullshit. SO many people in this world seem to be SO DEEPLY BRAINWASHED with this idea that if you are close, then there will definitely AT LEAST be a time you fight or argue! Which is ABSOLUTE TOTAL NONSENSE!! So so so so FAR from the Actual Truth!! I am SO shocked by HOW people would actually believe that is even true... it is NOT EVEN TRUE AT ALL!! Yet so many people live in this illusion and blindly believe this "close people will have times of arguing and fighting" 300% BULLSHIT!!! NO WONDER the world is suffering so much!! With ALL of these DEEP DEEP BRAINWASHING, the world is suffering so much!! And yet people STILL continue to blindly "support" the concept of family in AT LEAST ONE WAY OR ANOTHER. Even saying your DOG is your family counts as "supporting" the ILLUSION concept!!)

(If this is really so-called "closeness," then why isn't MY MOST IMPORTANT feelings being cared for? Yet instead people DELUDE and BRAINWASH themselves with some bullshit like "this is for your good," "this is because I care about you," this is how life should be," "this is ~~FAMILY LOVE~~," "Awwww, we are SO close and SO VERY HAPPY family~~~~ Family is ~~~LOVE~~~," "if you were a stranger I don't even care about, I wouldn't be telling you this. Being harsh and inconsiderate is a sign of CLOSENESS," "being friendly, thoughtful, and kind ALL the time is only for people you DON'T care about and whatever with their lives about and people who are NOT important, like friends and strangers and other people. But because family is SO CARING and CLOSE and WARM HOME, that's why we bother to be like this with you," etc etc etc. Man, HOW DELUDED and BRAINWASHED this world is!!! So so so so so SO many people in this world seem to have THIS "putting on a FAKENESS social mask" brainwashing and delusion of themselves!! UGH!!!! Probably the so-called "kindest" people are VERY ROTTEN people in disguise, and you won't even know!! Maybe your BEST friend could be ROTTEN too! Who knows? Or maybe YOU could, at least in some way, be VERY ROTTEN like this, TOO!!! All of the "social brainwashing" you might NOT have known if I didn't bring any up here!!!)

(The existence of the overrated concept of family is probably one of the LEAST things I ever want to have in my mind. Forever. Doesn't matter WHOSE family it is, maybe. My family knows about the existence of this site but I know I will be safe putting this article out here, so that's why I am not scared to openly write everything out here.)

(If people could cancel family memberships at any time and release unnecessary baggage and blocks forever, then maybe the world would be a better place and people might can start FULLY focusing on doing GOOD things for the world. And we wouldn't have to waste so much time with unnecessary things from family, and then actually spend more time doing meaningful things for ourselves and others.)

(Back to the Respect thing. It seems that I may have accidentally explained things better than I thought, when I initially thought I was not able to. I hope all of this has been thought-provoking. Also I REALLY don't like all of this "introvert" and "extrovert" Bullshit in Disguise either. There are probably more things I want to say, but I feel that I also "said enough" and maybe this is already good enough. Recently I also had to tell someone some Bullshit like "I am a very open kind of person, so I like to talk to strangers" or something, and I didn't feel too good saying it because I was putting myself in the "______ kind of person" bullshit, trying to CLARIFY why I am so-called "too friendly" with so-called "strangers"... so these experiences where I feel like I HAVE to explain myself using "a _______ kind of person" reason DOES "rob away my soul" or something. I also feel VERY UNCOMFORTABLE when peple say "honestly," "frankly," "sadly," and stuff like that... something doesn't feel... right.)

(I may want to be understood deeply. I may want people to understand me. To appreciate me. To like me. To love me. To admire me. To see me highly. To look up to me. To idolize me. To be moved or touched by me. To be friendly with me. To be inspired by me. To be at ease with me. To be understanding with me. But I do NOT want people to respect me, to honor me, to agree with me, to be satisfied with me, to be pleased with me, to be proud of me, to be polite to me, to try to "understand" my so-called "personality type" or "psychology" or "behavior," to think or assume Bullshit that I am a so-called "_______ kind of person," to "enjoy" me, to "play" with me, to think or assume BULLSHIT that I am "female" (because I am a HUMAN BEING, and maybe the SAME as you!! NOT "female"!!), etc.)

(These figures and people like Buddha, Jesus, the Dalai Lama, Confucius, Einstein, Mother Teresa, etc, that people seem to look up to... they all seem to be deeply brainwashed as well. All of their Teachings and stuff, show that they are deeply brainwashed into believing that Respect is good. I really wonder whether I could be the only one on this planet who is aware of the truth behind Family, Respect, Boundaries, etc. So I feel I really should put these thoughts and feelings on my site. Maybe other people have also grew up suffering from the concept of respect, concept of family, etc, too. So I hope putting this out there helps clarify whether or not I am the only one.)

(I also really wonder whether these people are actually "great" or not if they believe Respect is a good thing. Family, Respect, Boundaries, etc... all of these concepts are rooted in fear, instead of trust or love or something. I also have this one-second-like feeling in my body when people blindly say things like, "Look at what Mother Teresa done! She is obviously a great person." ... And, something didn't feel right... something, like, fishy about that sentence structure. Perhaps it is because Mother Teresa, for example, is probably not as "great" as we thought, but, instead, her CONTRIBUTIONS, efforts, passion, etc are great. Like, if I knew her personally, maybe I might have some "luck" and experience Private Hell situation where I feel it is Injustice, unconsciously caused by the beliefs of Respect installed in her brain just like everyone else. I mean, HOW do you know these people are "great"? Have you interacted with them personally? Or did you blindly believed what you were taught in school and then directly passed down the message unconsciously? Are they really "great," especially when they seem to believe Respect is a good thing? Or do you mean to say that their LEGACY for the world is great?)

(I remember one time many years ago when I received a "Kiyasu is great!" feedback on eBay, something didn't feel right. Like, I would get this one-second-like feeling but I would also naturally overlook it and ignore it. It wasn't until months later or some year later I finally started to figure out what was wrong with that feedback. When people say or write things like, "[person's name] is great!" or "[person's name] is a great person," something is not right. Something about it really bothers me very much. I remember the same girl from the example above who wrote that e-mail about how I am a "criminal, parasite, backstabber, etc" and cut me out of her life, I saw on her blog something like "Look at what [person's name] made for me as a gift! She is such a kind and wonderful person!" and I was UNCOMFORTABLE with that!! Like, I thought how Stupid she is in a kind of "Just because someone gave you a present DOESN'T MEAN that they are great, wonderful, kind, etc. This is Basic Logic, you Idiot." Like, making statements like that are spreading VERY inaccurate information because people don't think or are blind when they say or write these things. Like, if I ever have some "luck" with the so-called "wonderful" person, and experienced a Private Hell with them personally, HOW would reading a public statement about how "great, kind, lovely, wonderful, etc" that person (or Your Spouse, Your Best Friend, etc) is, FEEL LIKE? UGH! A pile of Major Injustice of This World!! BOTH you and your Compliment about your friend, spouse, etc could sound like a Super Ultimate Bullshitter of Spreading Inaccurate ASS Information!! AND a load of MAJOR INJUSTICE!!!)

(Similarly, if you put some Bullshit like "Feel free to e-mail me! I am open to comments, feedback, suggestions, etc!! :D" on your Web site, is that going to be a real promise? Or will you be a load of Injustice for that? What I mean is, if you cut someone out of your life before, and they READ that part on your Web site, HOW might that make the person feel? Is the person able to send you a "Hey, even though it might be awkward, I just wanted to say I like your works!" e-mail? Or will you still be a Bitch? Or even say something like "FOR THE LAST TIME, STOP CONTACTING ME" to that compliment e-mail? Now, you DID say you are "open to e-mails" on your Web site, but you made a fake promise to the person you cut out. Bitch.)

(If you have the "_______ is a wonderful person" kind of sentence structure in your vocabulary, I hope what I just said is thought-provoking for you and can inspire you NOT to use it any more, and instead be more thoughtful to the shoes of people who might suffer from seeing your statement. Something about the "Kiyasu is great!" thing doesn't feel good for me, and I REALLY don't want to give ANY person an INJUSTICE!!! moment, including that Bitch above. Even though I know she won't give a shit anyway and won't see this page, but still. Whom I also suffered from last September 2013, when I suddenly sent her an e-mail out of nowhere and said something like "I know it might be very strange and awkward to contact you, but I just wanted to wish you a Happy Moon Festival Day!!" or something, and she replied with that "FOR THE LAST TIME, STOP CONTACTING ME" bullshit. Sometimes I still have NIGHTMARES privately from her incident in 2012, which I discovered her long, cruel e-mail around my BIRTHDAY that year in 2012, even though she sent it in maybe July that year, about the whole "parasite, backstabber, etc" thing and her Moon Festival Day reply, and I feel like my story with my group of friends from her world is some injustice I never ever had a defense attorney for. A private hell I STILL suffered from even RECENTLY, even though I didn't have contact with anyone and they didn't say anything about me either. A COMPLETELY dead network or circle of contacts, in a very cruel way. I lost OTHER friends ALL that same year many 7+ years friends, too. Just because she probably told everyone that I am a "backstabber" and "parasite" and maybe told everyone to STOP contact with me. So I lost sooo many friends UNRELATED just because she said something about me. AND even painfully saw on her "social" media sites account that people I don't even know and never had contact with, but were my idols from 2004 or something, said bad things publicly about me. So I want to share it on my site now, because maybe my story will not only benefit me and ease my suffering from the past SEVEN YEARS STRAIGHT (I still have nightmares these recent years, even though my last contact with her was in September 2013), but also benefit anyone reading this now. That if you cut people out of your life before (and still do), it gives you something thought-provoking to think about, and maybe re-consider what you are doing and whether you are being ethical or even actually an Injustice in Disguise, brainwashed into thinking that you are so-called "mature," and maybe learn how to feel the shoes of someone whom you consider a "criminal.")

(That perhaps cutting people out of your life may not be the best thing for you to do, even when it REALLY seems like you should, because maybe, just maybe, there might be a Higher Truth to the situation that you are currently blind to. Maybe the current "troublesome person" in your life is actually NOT a problematic person, but just seems like it. And maybe, just maybe, this current "troublesome person" who "violated" your boundaries, is suffering more than you are. Perhaps this "criminal" in your life is actually a Blessing in Disguise, a seed to a lovely new friendship, unlike any you may have ever had before. If you would only open your heart to it.)

(If it is true that there is a Higher Truth that you are Completely Blind To about the situation, then it is Even More Injustice of you to cut people out!! Worse is that you actually seem to consider this "responsibility," "maturity," "being civilized," "adulthood," and lots of other loads of Bullshit in Disguise. Burying an unresolved court case, that will never be able to see the light, buried in the dark, just because you are not willing to be more human and instead chose to be a so-called "respectful, diplomatic citizen," shutting down in learning the Possible Actual Truth of a situation using the Excuses called "Respect," "Boundaries," or "Principles" or something. How so Evil of you. How brainwashed you are. NO WONDER this world is suffering!! Because, you, like everyone else is, have been so brainwashed, cruel, and ignorant!!)

(I really also want to put all of this out there because it seems this world has an NATURAL ASSUMPTION that if you are a CONSTANT CRIMINAL again and again and AGAIN in DIFFERENT circles and networks of friends and contacts, then you are easily assumed to be problematic. Like, a part of me wants to share with you these stories because I want to bring to your attention that JUST BECAUSE a person Always Had This "Luck" of Ending Up Being a Criminal in MANY different circles of friends and contacts every year for some years DOESN'T MEAN the person is problematic. I am such a living example of that, of someone with THAT kind of "luck." I really want to put myself out there like this so that people can be aware all this Basic Logic and Reasoning of how if a person is REPEATEDLY a "trouble maker" in DIFFERENT circles again and again, it DOESN'T MEAN the person is problematic. Maybe always seek the Higher Truth and act how a Defense Attorney would trust their client here. Because this world is SO USED to "staying away" from news of possible "trouble makers" or "criminals" if ALL your friends complained, ALL your family complaned, etc. Something like that. I wanted to mention this also because last December I was SO IN PAIN when I BOTHERED to tell a friend of my "repeatedly being a criminal in MANY different circles of contacts" story, and his reply was this BULLSHIT: "you mentioning that this has happened to you in several circles. I'm not trying to put you in the bad light but have you ever pondered that maybe it could be something you're doing? Usually if it just happens once it could just be back luck or just wasn't meant to be but you mentioned this happened multiple times. Maybe you did this already but sometimes you should try confronting them and ask what was the issue. If no one ever takes initiative then the hostility will just grow to the point where.. well you know what happens. If they're really your friends then they will tell you. Once again, I'm not trying to say it's you but I'm just being realistic." And one of my first thoughts was like "Man, you don't understand ANYTHING. Why did I even bother to COURAGEOUSLY share with you my painful stories?" And HOW and I supposed to talk to that Bitch who tells me to get out of her life, when ALL I did was kind things like sending her friends packages that led to the nightmare? And so much more. ALL of this so-called "being realistic" or being a so-called "fair" friend is NOT the type of thing to do in many situations, and I hope sharing you my feelings makes you become smarter in life here. Even something I mentioned in the Taiwan article, I demonstrated an example why so-called "being fair" is ACTUALLY INJUSTICE. I just HATE this brainwashing we grew up with known as "being fair." I wonder HOW many humans have suffered from this injustice in disguise known as "being fair," and I want to bring it up to your attention.)

(Maybe, just maybe, the Worst Major World Problem and Sufferings of the World is just this. NOT a lack of love, not enough kindness, not enough education, not enough world peace, or whatever else people seem to advocate so often.)

(This major "disease" of the whole world: that people believe respect, family, boundaries, being nice, being fair or neutral, being polite, having good manners, etc are so-called "good things.")

(A Major Disease of the World... in Disguise.)

(So, so so SO thoroughly and cleverly disguised.)

(The worst problem of the world. Maybe the Real Cause of every single "unrelated" problem and issue of the world is just this. Like these ideals, concepts, and beliefs "indirectly" somehow caused all and every single "unrelated" suffering and problem of the world. And NOT whatever we grew up to have believed and what we always have thought the sufferings of the world were.)

... don't want to use anything else other than Internet Explorer (and that it is all right and you don't ever have to explain yourself and there is NOTHING "unusual" or "bad choice" about that!!)

... don't want to be identified by "labels" like "an enthusiastic kind of person," "a spiritual kind of person," etc... (and that it is all right to become similar to what Steve Pavlina said in his classic Beyond Religion audio from 2006.)

... don't want to ever be (and also HATE being) called or seen as a so-called "pen pal," "online friend," "_____ friend," "Web friend," "stranger," "Internet person," etc... (because you are not, and you are a REAL friend (person), and it is all right if I don't even know who you are or anything else...)

... don't want to do any news letters, marketing, or promoting (and it is all right... also, my friend Janet Chiang is a living example of this, too!)

... don't want to have any Clients, Press, Media, Publications, Hire Me, CV or Résumé, and Work sections or pages on your Web site (and that it is all right if you want your site to be a personal site and people will still think you are professional)

... don't want to have testimonials (because there is this "actions speak louder than words" thing, and that if you are so confident about yourself, maybe you won't need it... at least I am likely to trust someone or their business more if they don't have any of it on their products, work, or site)

... don't want to watch the news nor do you ever want to know what is going on... (and the same thing with reading the newspaper or reading any World News articles on the Internet)

... don't want to have any single thing to do with Wikipedia for the rest of your life... (I am scared at how it seems people cite Wikipedia as some kind of trustworthy source or something "official." I constantly find very inaccurate information on Wikipedia articles that have been there for SO long, on all kinds of various topics, from as far back as in 2007 and even recent years still...)

... don't want to play any video games that exists after a certain year and don't want to even know anything about the later releases (and that it is absolutely all right if Pokémon Diamond is still your latest game and that you basically sort of don't know about anything that came after that)

... don't want to sign up for an account on a site that EVERYONE is using or you feel that you "should" use (and even if your family members or parents ask you to, you don't have to... EVER)...

... don't want to upgrade to any "more modern" versions of Photoshop, Illustrator, etc... (and it is all right as a full-time professional illustrator and designer!! I have been using Photoshop 7.0 since 2004. It is like a dear friend, and I have feelings.)

(I also sometimes think my Windows Vista laptop has been here for me even when there were times I was accidentally not kind to it and damaged it... but even so, it is now 2019, 11 years, and it is still here for me despite the "mistakes" I did.)

(... and when I just wrote the part above about my laptop, tears fall down... strongly now...)

... don't want to use the "newest and latest" machines, browser versions, and other things

(It is SO annoying when either people or Web sites try to "encourage" me to upgrade to a "better" or "more modern" browser version...)

(... especially when the reason has something to do with this so-called "security and risk" thing... and ALL of this "it is better" nonsense or that my browser version is "too old" or something...)

(... And it is SO annoying when Web sites either completely don't load or look very messed up and the page has a message telling me that I "should" upgrade... forcing me to upgrade to a "newer and later" one or else I won't be able to at least load the site, and then saying it is "better" for me.)

(And I cannot see these "Emoji" things. I will see a "square with white inside" instead of the actual "Emoji." When I could see them before, I hated them and the way people use them today. I really, really, REALLY hate "Emojis"!!!)

(If you are wondering about the text in my e-mails not "reaching to the end" and being "cut off" after around a certain length, the reason is that my e-mails are in the Plain Text format. In the Basic HTML version of Gmail that I currently use, Plain Text format is the only available option for my e-mails. I discovered that the Basic HTML version of Gmail is actually MUCH better than the default Standard View version of Gmail... in many ways. I LOVE it!! So swift, so straight-to-the-point, so beautiful. It even saves a LOT of time since it is so fast and straightforward. Maybe this is what real e-mail interface should actually be like.)

(If I remember correctly, Gmail used to look like its Basic HTML version back when I first signed up for an account in 2004. Basic HTML version might just be the MOST amazing and beautiful thing ever invented... even today. And it has so much space and is such a breath of fresh air!!)

(... And yes, many sites either completely doesn't load at all or have display and design problems if it does load... or it may lag for me... or it loads but have navigating issues. And that is all right.)

(By the way, OldVersion.com is a site founded by my friend Alexander Levine. Feel free to find and downgrade your program and browser versions to the ones that are true to your heart, instead of using the "more modern" ones you "should" use.)

(Also, I really don't like it when people use words like "old," "retro," "outdated," or "classic" for the games I play, music I listen to, etc. To me, these things are NOT "old" at all!! In my heart, it feels like yesterday and forever will be. So, please use vocabulary like "previous" or things like "games from around 2005 time," "games from the 90s," "music from the 90s," "previous version," etc.)

... and if you want to only use a real cell phone for the rest of your life, that is all right (I HATE it when people call this a so-called "dumb" phone!! It is a real mobile phone, and forever will be.)

... and if you want to turn your cell phone off forever and store it away (but still keep your number just in case), that is all right!!!

... and if you still care about and only want to use your DVD player from 2005 or camera from 2003, there is NOTHING that is so-called "unusual" or so-called "strange" about that. It is all right.

... and that if you want to send multiple e-mails in a row to the same person, that is absolutely all right!! (Just know who you are sending it to... to someone who is reasonable and aware enough to know it would be silly to take issue or something.)

... and that if you want to suddenly e-mail someone you found on the Internet and don't really know well, AGAIN after 8 years, there is NOTHING so "awkward" or "strange" or "unacceptable" about that!! Ever!!!

... and that if you want to write long e-mails, that is all right!! (Because of my long e-mails, a lot of achievements and things were possible that could not have been otherwise. And I am grateful for it. And there is NOTHING WRONG with long e-mails!!)

... and that if you don't want to kill cockroaches and mosquitoes, that is all right!! (Mosquitoes are only trying to live by sucking blood... So maybe it is better to focus on AVOIDING these creatures from getting IN your home in the first place!!)

... and that if you want to use "^^" or "T__T" in your formal business e-mails, that is all right!

... and that if you gave a gift to someone and then years later ask for it BACK (and they can ask for it back one day AGAIN if they want, and back and forth!!) then that is all right!! (I really like the idea of being able to give a friend a gift WITHOUT worrying that *if* one day I suddenly *miss* the present or some dark incidents happened and I want to *see* the stuff again, then there would not be any "cold looks" if I ask for it back and only warm open arms. And that if they want the gift back, I can give it back, and back and forth again and again. The idea that there is NOTHING to worry about if something *unexpectedly* sad happens in the future and you suddenly NEED to see the gift again, you can ask for it back without worrying? This is beautiful and relieving.)

... and that if you don't want to do anything like combing your hair, putting makeup, using beauty products or skin care products, dyeing your hair, dressing up, wearing earrings, etc., then it is all right!! (I might have dressed up during several months in 2010 and maybe 2011, and would put a kind of pink or white rose on my head and all of that, but that was sort of pretty much it! Never dyed my hair in my life, never wore earrings in my life, never colored my nails, etc. I might "dress up" lightly sometimes, but who knows. I pretty much wear the same clothes all year, in some sense. I survive on pretty much two or three sets of the SAME shirts and pants for the entire year!!)

... and that if you care about your white hair, that is all right!! (I don't like "killing" my white hair... I have maybe one or several strings of white hair, and they look "cute" to me! Like, they are a very rare and special existence and I want to make sure I don't accidentally cut them. I also NEVER go to the hair cutting place any more and cut my hair at home these days.)

... and that if you don't care about copyright, then it is all right! (I don't care about copyright. I ONLY care about the "in my heart, in my shoes" thing. I am usually SO ANNOYED when people care about copyright!! Like, it really ALWAYS felt like people just don't understand when they express their interest or concern for copyright! Also all the times people blindly put bullshit like "no copyright infringement intended" are so SO annoying! People usually blindly put "© [insert name]" without thinking much! So I DON'T believe in any copyright stuff a lot of times!! Copyright is so so SO annoying!! Last time when someone assumed that my message on the Gallery page about "All images are to be viewed directly from this site only. Please share this site and not the works" was ABOUT copyright and told me that I "should" put something like "© Kiyasu Oka" on my site, I was SO put off by that, SO angry about that so-called "suggestion." I don't have the concept of copyright installed in my brain. Caring about copyright is really the SAME as caring about "being polite" and "being nice"; while caring about "in my heart, in my shoes" is the same as caring about "being friendly." In some sense I grew up being ANNOYED by copyright, and that there is a WORLD PROBLEM IN DISGUISE with it!! And people caring about copyright = "outer thing"; "in my heart, in my shoes" = comes from "inside things; your heart." If you live from the inside, then all the "outer things" and everything else takes care of itself. You DON'T need to have ANY SINGLE THING to do with copyright, in your life, EVER!! Copyright is this "outer mask" thing that doesn't even have any substance!! I might have copyright stuff *inside* the code of my Web site, but that is only just in case there is anything related to search engines or something. Also, in my heart, in my shoes, I don't want to LOOK LIKE I could be YET ANOTHER PERSON who just doesn't understand if I put "© Kiyasu Oka" on my site, from the shoes of anyone else who also happens to understand!! I don't want to put anyone else into concern and worrying, like I did (and still do) every time I visited someone's site and felt that the copyright notice is very careless, bullshit, lacking substance, etc. Also, by taking the action of consciously NOT putting anything to do with copyright on my Web site, I am also being a living example of someone who is a medicine to anyone out there who happens to, by any chance, actually understand, in the same shoes as me.)

... and that if you want to quit YouTube forever, that is all right! (YouTube, Nico Nico Douga, etc. etc. etc.... Been on Nico Nico Douga in 2007 but was uncomfortable with it soon in 2008. Speaking of which, other than the "epic" thing, I am very VERY uncomfortable with all the "lololol" and "wwwww" attitude, which also started to become VERY common around 2007 and 2008. I am very extremely uncomfortable with how people write a "w" in Japanese instead of writing out "(笑)" these days, ever since around 2007 or 2008. People's hearts really changed; the feeling from people's hearts is just different from back then in the 90s or 2001 or 2005. And while I am talking about this, I also want to mention that I am VERY uncomfortable that many people seem to think that the Japanese "(笑)" is the so-called "LOL" in the English language. It is NOT. It is far far FAR from ever even being close to the "laughing out loud" in English!! The feeling is also completely different different from the English "laughing out loud (LOL)"!! Like, WAY different!! Also these days people also post all the "animal pictures"... SO uncomfortable. Or "fail" or "drama" usage or "tech" or "nom nom nom" or cat photos or "gamer" or "gaming" or those ".gif images" or "FML" or "retro" or "internets" or "interwebs" or "meme" and [insert many, many more things]. Really uncomfortable with almost EVERYTHING and probably EVERY SINGLE PERSON's hearts on the Web these days since around 2007. These are only SOME of the MANY MANY reasons I don't like to visit Web sites these days, and try to only stick to e-mail when possible. But if it were back in 2005, I would be browsing around a lot freely and easily... and openly talking to people MUCH MORE often!!)

... and that if you DON'T want to think that "The Taiwanese are so friendly!" then it is all right! (I don't think that the "Taiwanese are friendly!" is the truth AT ALL! I also know a foreigner who suffered from this "Taiwanese people are very friendly!!" Bullshit in Disguise. Taiwanese people are probably NOT friendly, but just SEEM like it!!)

... and so much more.

I want to be a living example of doing all of these things successfully, and everything still being all right. With even more ease.

Never underestimate the power of being a living example. I remember that when I used to suffer somewhere deep inside about having to use the Japanese "polite forms," it was this one "fateful" experience that helped me get to where I am today.

It was December of 2012, and I was inside a bookstore looking around for maybe books for the Japanese Language Proficiency Test (JLPT) or something. I pretty much don't talk to people at bookstores but some little "coincidence" or "accident" made me accidentally talk to this girl who was nearby me. I am not sure how it happened, but somehow, we ended up talking about how it is actually all right to NOT use the "polite forms" when talking to "strangers" in Japan.

She told me that she also has similar feelings as me and had a similar experience where she did not like the "polite forms" and had this experience where she sensed that the person did not really like her, and that it really didn't feel good being spoken to with the "polite forms" in that situation.

And how "Nah, it is not that serious in Japan! You should see how OFTEN people in Japan speak to 'strangers' without the polite form!"

... and I was so surprised to hear that.

And something like "People ask me how to write certain Japanese grammar for other common higher authority 'polite form' structures, and I tell them that I am actually not that familiar myself, even as a native, because I don't often have contact or experience with it."

... and this is so interesting. And surprising.

She told me that she only uses "polite forms" for colleagues and higher authorities, but that's it. And how the "polite forms" just seems like some kind of "outer mask" thing that is not really that important; if you have the heart to be friendly and people can feel it from you, then basically no one really cares whether or not you actually use the "polite forms."

Being able to hear this from a native Japanese adult really changed everything for me. A living example I "fatefully" encountered, that helped plant the seeds... and even though I didn't immediately start quitting the "polite forms" completely, the seeds that was planted in 2012 eventually blossomed within this year (about 6 years or 7 years later).

If you have a life suffering of NOT wanting to go to weddings and really don't care about the relatives, friends, and other people getting married, and basically think "Why bother? I will probably forget about these people's Big Special Day anyway. Why don't you just celebrate your Big Special Day privately and not have to waste SO many humans' times? Wish I don't have to waste time on Bullshit like Weddings," but you feel like you HAVE to care about these people's marriage OR ELSE you might lose friends (for example), then another living example I want to talk about is James Altucher. I first found out about this guy some years ago, and at that time he had a post having something to do with "being honest"...

... and right after that "Be honest" thing, he writes something like "Like, I NEVER go to weddings"... and had a picture of, I think, some bride and groom things being broken, and if you hover over it, you see "no more weddings" show up. And I was soooo surprised!!

[UPDATE: I just found the post. It is called "How to be THE LUCKIEST GUY ON THE PLANET in 4 Easy Steps." The image is different now, and it seems that he probably changes the image once in some time or something, as I also remember that I have seen another image before the one I mentioned above.]

(By the way, I also want to put this out there in case if someone else is also suffering deep inside with this: I really don't care about marriages. For the REST of my life, I REALLY don't want to say any Bullshit like "Congratulations!" to people who get married any more. The last time I did on my last, and possibly first, wedding, I felt like such a PHONY ASS person, who is deeply crying and screaming in suffering, yet unable to say anything about it because [insert possible consequences].)

(I really wonder how many humans have blindly suffered from weddings, marriage, etc, and YET don't even know they are suffering, and STILL blindly "support" the concept it in one way or the other... all similar to the concept of family situation I mentioned earlier on this page.)

(I hate weddings so much!! And unless if there are some childhood ones that I don't remember, then I have only been to a wedding once in my life, in I think March or April of 2013, and I suffered deep inside so much. Ugh, ALL of my suffering and sadness from February 2013 to April 2013 related to the wedding!! I really think Weddings are another Bullshit in Disguise of the world that should NOT even exist!! I am SO ANGRY!!)

(The concept of marriage is another one of those Bullshit in Disguise things of the world that should NOT even exist, yet very similar to the concept of family, many people don't even know they are suffering from it, and yet STILL blindly continue to "support" the concept in one way or another. I also feel similarly for the concept of relationships, such as boyfriend, girlfriend, lover, partner, etc. I wonder how many humans have suffered because of these Bullshit in Disguise concepts!! I also face a problem where I feel uncomfortable saying "Congratulations!" for this but feel like I HAVE to OR ELSE _________.)

I used to think that I would be seen as "too unacceptable" or "too mean" or something for hating E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G about weddings, so seeing this successful entrepreneur and author openly write about it like that, and how it seems everything is all right, was at that time a miracle.

... And I don't feel "alone" and "lonely" any more.

... And I... feel better.

... Some kind of beautiful medicine...

... to a life suffering.

... finally setting myself free...

... now and forever more, forever and ever.

... And now maybe several years later, here I am openly and unexpectedly writing about my hatred for weddings, why I don't want to go, etc.

... and I know that everything will be all right...

... Thanks to a living example whom I could cross paths with all those years ago, who showed me the way, and the light... now and forever more.

Another living example I want to talk about is Janet Chiang. I first found out about her in later 2010 by a certain series of "coincidences," and someone linked me to her site sort of partly because her store is from Taiwan. I wasn't on her site for a long, but I always remembered her as the "special person" whom I have feelings for and "fatefully encountered" (even if I did not talk to her) because of this part on her About page:

"One magic about these Kawaii stuff is that they make you look and feel younger and happier. All my friends say that I haven't aged a bit since I started selling these cute items. Since my husband quit his well paying, respectful teaching job in a University and started helping me with my store, he is looking younger and happier as well. Many people asked about our secret but not people believe it is that simple ~we do what we love and we enjoy our lives ~"

Then almost 9 years later, last month in April (2019), when I was leaving the house a lot, I have a lot of these "You are an adult?! But you look like a student" experiences happen again and again, one after the other... and maybe somehow one day that month, out of nowehere, I suddenly have this thought to visit her site again and re-read her About page after all these years. (I did visit her site again and try to contact her in 2016 and introduce myself a bit, but that was sort of pretty much it.)

I wasn't thinking of contacting anyone at all this year, but then somehow, I... contacted her.

I approached her about the part on her About page telling her about my recent experiences and asked her whether she experiences anything similar. And then, somehow, I also decided to tell her that I don't watch the news at all, even though I was SO scared she would reply and tell me that she DOES watch the news. (At that time that month, I REALLY thought I was "the only one" who doesn't watch the news, and that it would be "too unrealistic" to expect someone else other than me to also not watch it).

So, to my surprise, this is part of her reply:

"What a wonderful surprise to receive this e-mail from you. Yes, I have similar experiences like you. My daughter is now in college but every time I tell people I have a daughter, they assume my daughter must be very young. I do look older now compare to 3 years ago I guess, because 3 years ago, most people would not believe that I am married already. Ha ha"

"When I was a child, I actually look a lot older than my actual age though. I had sour face on all the time and found life hard and unreasonable. I hated the world and myself. I didn’t like to talk or interact with people."

"It all changed after I had a near-death experience. I had a lot of time to think about what kind of life I want for myself. Though life is unpredictable, I understood that my attitude and my perception is the most important thing that can affect how I live my life."

"I still don’t watch news and I am kind of disconnected to the “normal” world. I don’t dress up pretty and try hard to make a lot of money. I don’t have a lot of friends, just a few really good friends. I am content with my life. Some people envy me and say I am “lucky”. They can have a life like this, but they have to let many things go first, and it is difficult. I know you understand what I mean."

"Stay true to yourself and stay young. Don’t let the so called “real world” rotten your soul!!!"

... and that was so beautiful, her e-mail. I also cried a bit just now re-reading her e-mail...

... this feeling...

... So lovely.

It was so fascinating to discover that I was not "the only one" who maybe almost nobody would believe to be an adult (and also doesn't watch the news), so this experience brightened my world.

To find another living example of someone who is also a young child but actually adult in disguise, AND who is also Taiwanese, is a miracle to me.

Not only that, but also she is a living example of an on-line business that has NEVER EVER once used any "social" media sites accounts before!!

AND... a living example of how it is okay to NOT update your site at all and that it is okay to do NOTHING about promoting, marketing, etc... and still be successful. She told me:

"A lot of people think that because I sell on line, I must know a lot about computers. In fact, I know very little. I know how to send and receive e-mails and with help from my husband, I know how to list items and see orders. that's about it. I know my shop is really outdated. I don't do any promotion, I don't do news letters, I don't change stuff there. I sometimes wonder how I can keep my store running for so long. It is amazing."

"I am lucky to have many wonderful customers."

Paul Jarvis is another living example I want to mention. I first learned about this guy years ago.

I remember him well partly because he talked about not needing to use a "social" media site account and encouraged people to quit it. At that time, it felt as if EVERY other entrepreneur had an account and "encourages" people to use one, so Paul had a special existence to me. Even though he has an account, he still tells people to focus on doing more meaningful work instead of sharing on "social" media sites. I also noticed that he says other things that resonated with me well, and he also has this "My life, my terms" attitude, and I felt that I should know him more and HAD to get in touch and become friends or something.

In his "Stop doing shit you don’t like" article, I really like that he tells people that he has never joined Forker Book and openly and directly said:

"I don’t care if it helps build audiences, or that I could be part of private groups or anything else—it’s just not my jam. Never joined, never will. Regardless of income that could be made, fame that could had or some other success that could be achieved, I’m not doing it."

... and I thought that was so amazing, like some kind of miracle and a huge inspiration to me!

... also a kind of medicine to me.

... Especially when SO many people would "at least try signing up and see what it is like" and then maybe ditch their Forker Book account or close it if it doesn't work out or something, I thought this was very inspiring and beautiful.

A living example of someone courageously living life consciously, and with a lot of success, too.

I also admire this part in "Smart Passive Income 365: Why Staying Small Is the Next Big Thing with Paul Jarvis," where the publisher of his book wanted him to do a book tour, but he didn't want to do it. I thought that was so courageous and inspiring of him, as the author, to say "no" to his publisher's book tour. Here is the part about it:

"And it’s funny, in the contract, they had that I would do a two-week book tour going to physical locations, like bookstores I guess. And I said, no."

"I said, I’m not signing the contract until that comes out. And my agent was like, “Paul, what are you doing?” I used to travel in my twenties, I traveled for business at least once or twice a week, just not interested in traveling for business anymore. I just want to travel with my wife, have fun and pleasure travel. But also, my audience is so spread out, I can’t show up in a city and have as many people add an event at a physical location as I can if I do just like an online thing where it’s just a live video, where I can get people, and it doesn’t matter if they live in the middle of the woods, on an island like I do. If they live in New York or LA—same people can attend."

A living example of how it is all right to live your life and business on your own terms, and with a lot of success... even more success, actually.

... Now and forever more.

The next living example I want to talk about is Cal Newport. I first found this guy's site in 2011, but was not on it for long, and then went my way. Even though I was not on his site for long, he remained as someone whom I remember very fondly of, in the back of my subconscious mind.

I remembered him because he mentioned that he doesn't have any accounts on "social" media sites, and at that time, he was the only one who is also the same as me. I saw that as a fateful encounter and a miracle. And of course, a lovely medicine.

I also remember at that time(?), his site had a "So Good They Can't Ignore You" thing at the bottom right of his site, and on something about "Follow your passion" being bad advice, and I had always remembered that. I also remembered his "Study Hacks" name well. The "So Good They Can't Ignore You" name resonated with me.

Recently I got back in touch with Paul Jarvis after all these years, and suddenly saw Cal Newport's name on his site, and then I probably thought, "....!!! Wait a minute, could this possibly be that same guy whose site I crossed paths with all those years ago?! Whoa, whoa, WHOA!!!"

... And I was so amazed at what I was discovering on his site: he has written some books over the past years and is also telling people to quit their "social" media site accounts. And I thought that it was interesting that I was "fatefully" led back to him after all these years just by suddenly wanting to get back in touch with Paul Jarvis.

What made this even more interesting is that not only is he preaching about quitting "social" media sites, he is also telling people to quit using their "smart" phones. I thought this was a miracle, especially when I have only seen entrepreneurs advocate quitting "social" media sites but NOT "smart" phones. So, he is the first one for me...

If you look at his Media page, you can find all sorts of resources to help you learn more about quitting "social" sites, "smart" phones, and being focused. Some of them are: "If Warren Buffet Can Get By Without a Smartphone, Do You Really Need One?," "What It Takes To Put Your Phone Away," "How to Actually, Truly Focus on What You’re Doing," "Cal Newport on Why We Will Look Back at Our Smartphones Like Cigarettes," and "Finding the Off Switch."

In case if you don't already know, Cal Newport is this guy (college professor) from Georgetown University who is pretty much famous for not having a "social" media site account. He is the author of Deep Work, Digital Minimalism, So Good They Can’t Ignore You, and others.

"I started blogging here at calnewport.com soon after the publication of my second book, and have been posting here regularly ever since. The blog is named “Study Hacks” because when I started it I was primarily writing advice for students.
I famously, however, have never had a social media account
(it turns out that this is allowed).
"

A living example of someone who consciously never had a "social" media site account, and things are still all right and successful.

... and even more than successful.

... forever and ever.

And because of his early conscious decision of not having a "social" media site account, it planted the seeds that helped brought him to where he is today: now in a position of teaching others on the quitting of "social" media sites and "smart" phones, and doing it with success.

... And maybe you can teach the world, too.

... Now and forever more.

The last living example I want to mention is Esmé Weijun Wang. She is an American writer, and is the author of The Border of Paradise: A Novel and The Collected Schizophrenias: Essays.

I first learned about her some years ago through, I think, the Web sites of some contacts she and I both know. I decided to reach out to her also because I probably thought I have some kind of "Taiwanese bond" with her or something.

She is a living example of someone who is sick and successful. She suffers from all sorts of illnesses and limitations, and even though she has these limitations, she is still successful.

She was named a "Best Young American Novelist" by Granta in 2017, and received a Whiting Award (for nonfiction) in 2018. Her book, The Border of Paradise: A Novel, was called a "Best Book of 2016" by NPR and one of the "25 Best Novels of 2016" by Electric Literature. She is a recipient of the Graywolf Nonfiction Prize for The Collected Schizophrenias: Essays (which is a New York Times bestseller).

She also talks about leaving a legacy. For some reason, I was immediately reminded of her out of nowhere when I ended up writing the parts about the legacy of Kiyasu Oka in the earlier parts of this page; her name popped up from nowhere when I wrote about things related to legacy.

She mentioned that her main focuses are on creativity, resilience, and legacy.

So, even if you are someone who is like me, who doesn't suffer from any illnesses or limitations, her stuff might still resonate with you somehow.

If you suffer from major life limitations physically or mentally, or if suicide is one of the main things on your mind (for example), I hope Esmé Weijun Wang can be one of the biggest inspirations to you. If she can be successful even if she is sick, then maybe you can, too.

... she could be the medicine for you...

... the medicine that you have been looking for...

... but didn't know that you were looking for...

... the medicine and the light for you...

... the medicine that finally heals your wounds...

... and the light that shows you the way...

... the angel casting light in your world...

... the spirit guide supporting you all along...

... the shooting star guiding your way...

... and the light that changes your world...

... that perhaps Hope has been there all along...

... that Possibility will start presenting itself...

... that Dreams are still within reach...

... and that Destiny can change for you...

Esmé Weijun Wang — the real medicine for you.

... throughout every fiber of your heart and soul...

... and across and beyond time and space...

... now and forever more...

... forever and ever.

Sometimes I wonder whether I could be working on cases as a detective and a defense attorney for a career one day. Yet, the idea of changing someone's verdict from "Guilty" to "Not Guilty" seems too scary, too stressful, and too much.

It would not be doing work that I love, and I also know sort of basically nothing about law. Stuff like law is also "too adult"-like for me. I also tend to often feel that high school English literature like Moby-Dick or To Kill a Mockingbird, as well as anyone with what I call "adult English" (journalist English, novelist English, Ph.D. student English, etc... basically sort of everyone maybe) are things and people that are sort of maybe kind of, like, "too adult"-like for me or something. Yet I also wonder whether the world might REALLY need my truth seeker talents I presented on this page.

Maybe I might be working on cases as a personal friend helping in private alongside someone who is an attorney one day, who knows. So that I can STILL keep the "my life, my own terms" and "will only do what I love" parts, but also still using my talents to help others, in a sidekick existence.

Although I also do wonder whether that if I work alongside as some kind of sidekick to someone who is a criminal defense attorney or a detective, whether that would mean I would need to go into the "real world" or know the news or something in some way, and then it wouldn't be "my life on my own terms" like Janet Chiang and I are doing it. OR... maybe it is still possible to somehow still work on a case and do really well AND still keep "my life on my own terms" at the same time, and be just as successful... somehow. Or maybe I can use my detective and truth seeker talents for other seemingly "completely unrelated" careers in other industries, and be a sidekick to someone working in those other "completely unrelated to anything" professions, helping them out with my talents. OR... whether showing my talents through the writing on this page and my Taiwan page is already more than enough for the world, and that I don't need to do anything else any more. I really wonder how life will work itself out for me here.

My business card says "Illustrator, Designer, and Entrepreneur." The word, "entrepreneur," has a lot of meaning for me. It is not the "entrepreneur" that maybe many people would think of it as.

I don't own any businesses at all, either.

(Probably also because a part of me might be thinking that owning a business could be "too adult"-ish or something. Same with getting a job. I am my own boss, but I don't have a business.)

(I also feel that contracts, taxes, and some other stuff... they are "too adult"-ish for me. Also that business is probably about human connections, so having a contract seems to mean that you don't trust each other. It is very robotic and strange.)

The "entrepreneur" part also refers to being able to be hired for other unrelated work (professions) such as writing and anything else you might feel that I would be "meant" to do for you, but more than this, there is a deeper meaning to the word.

To me, an "entrepreneur" means a real, conscious human being living life consciously. It does not have to be anything "big," either. It could simply be as simple as NOT owning a "smart" phone.

"Entrepreneurship" is about being a conscious destiny creator for my own life. Flowing along with the winds of life, taking me wherever I go, wherever I am. It is about fully knowing that Destiny is completely in my hands... somehow, and that I can live life completely on my own terms... and that everything will still be all right.

It is about being some kind of a Destiny guardian or Destiny controller or alterer, trusting life, and blazing some kind of trail that only Kiyasu Oka can blaze... Trusting that I am fully safe in this world... somehow. Always. Now and forever more.

That wherever my wings take me, I will be safe.

That whatever work I do, I can still do it well...

... even if I don't have any past experience...

... and even if I don't have as much experience in a field or unrelated profession I get hired for...

... I can still do it surprisingly, incredibly well...

... and beautifully well... somehow.

... This is what being an "entrepreneur" means.

... Being in a wielder of Destiny existence...

... and leaving a legacy by being Kiyasu Oka.

... AND blazing my trail and doing ALL of this in the outer appearance of a... "student"...

(Shining my light as an "adult in disguise.")

... THIS is what "entrepreneurship" means for me.

As for the meaning of "leaving a legacy," it kind of has the same meaning as what I just said for the meaning of "entrepreneurship."

A "legacy" doesn't have to be anything "big."

Quitting and deleting your "social" media site accounts can also be leaving a legacy, too.

Quitting using your "smart" phone and "tablet" forever can be leaving a legacy, too.

(You don't have to sell any of your "smart" phones and other iSomethings if you don't want to! You might have memories with it and may want to keep it as a kind of "journal" or "souvenir" from your life. You can simply store it away forever.)

Maybe how Paul Jarvis says "no" to Forker Book and his book publisher's book tour can count as leaving a legacy. Maybe his decision to write his Company of One book can count as leaving a legacy as well. His "Stop doing shit you don't like" article can count as leaving a legacy, too.

Maybe how Cal Newport didn't have any "social" sites accounts back then... counts as a legacy.

Maybe James Altucher's NOT going to weddings for the rest of his life... can count as a legacy.

Leaving a legacy doesn't have to be something for the world, other people, or your friends, either.

Leaving a legacy can be something you want to do only for yourself, personally.

A legacy you leave for yourself...

... and your private happiness only.

(And quitting your "smart" phone can count, too.)

Basically, leaving a legacy could mean any action you take that makes you live your life more consciously, more like a real human being.

Quitting alcohol (beer, wine), quitting weddings, quitting marriage (known as divorce, maybe... more information later), and quitting ______.

For me, if there is a "the legacy of Kiyasu Oka," then maybe, just maybe, some of it will be:

... being the gift of friendship...

... being a living example of someone who NEVER owned a "smart" phone, iSomething, etc...

... being a living example of someone who doesn't use the "polite forms" in the Japanese language, even if it is to the Emperor of Japan...

... being a living example of someone who decided to live life consciously...

... being the passionate "defense attorney" for the former president of Taiwan: Chen Shui-Bian...

... deciding to courageously be a living example of someone who is publicly passionate about him when he is VERY "taboo" subject for many people, when I lost friends because I said he is innocent, when sort of nobody cared, when it is lonely...

... being the person who taught others about both Taiwan and its real president of all time, Chen Shui-Bian (past, present, now... and forever more), maybe like no others have done before...

... being the medicine to people who suffered...

... from these concepts:

... the concept of respect...

... the concept of relationships...

... the concept of weddings...

... the concept of marriage...

... the concept of family...

... the concept of having children...

... and so much more...

... the medicine that sets people free...

... now and forever more, forever and ever...

... This is the legacy of Kiyasu Oka, and so it is.

(Maybe, just maybe, one of the reasons I have so much passion in defending the innocence of Chen Shui-Bian is that a part of myself feels that if I save him, I will be saving myself... from ALL my past life sufferings of losing friends, ALL the times I felt like a criminal or "trouble maker" that everyone hates and stays away from, ALL of the times I felt injustice from the concept of family, and so much more. The defense attorney and miracle I WISHED I could have, that I could NOT have and NEVER had... I wanted to be THAT defense attorney to him and THAT miracle to him, now and forever more.)

The Courage to Live Consciously... the path with a heart, the path with inspiration, and the path of being a real human being. And the path of being a living example, becoming truly happy in life, and the path to becoming a medicine for others.

... and maybe the path to leaving a legacy.

... for both yourself and others.

A path to be THE life medicine you needed...

... but didn't know that you needed... badly...

To be a life medicine for yourself and others...

... and most importantly: become truly happy...

... setting yourself free, now and forever more...

... beyond time and space, forever and ever.

And so it is.

The Second Part:
Why I Don't and Won't Ever Get a Boyfriend, Partner, and Lover:

(I never had a boyfriend or partner in my entire life, and I will not get one.)

I might have already said a lot about this in the section above. So the reasons from what I said above included, here is more explanation:

Something about getting a partner is strange.

Also maybe because partly there is this "fulfilling each other's needs" thing or "exchange" thing involved. Something about "relationships" or "being in a relationship" is... strange.

And if you are truly in love with each other, the person does not NEED to be your "boyfriend" or "partner" or "spouse."

And your other friends, family, etc. don't NEED to know about it.

And you don't NEED to eventually live together almost every day of your life.

What do these things have to do with true love?

I mean, why? It doesn't really make sense.

(ALL of these are "outer mask" things!! There is also something about treating someone as your "lover" or "partner" being... well, it is... strange.)

Why not be SINGLE forever but also be together with the one(s) you are in love with at the same time?

(And this way, you won't "break a person's heart" any more. The idea of being "taken" is a bit silly. Also, there are cases of murder from people with broken hearts. Perhaps the whole "I am Taken" thing is the SAME as the Boundaries thing. And if it is the same, then maybe this "Taken" thing could be a World Problem in Disguise. You don't have to let anyone else who loves you in if you already have someone you love, but you also can let them have the possibility of one possible chance to spend some intimate time with you, at least only once and then continue to be friends and no more intimacy (for example). What I am saying is, it is NO LONGER a VERY COLD "I am Taken, sorry" thing but NOW a conscious, real human's decision and from a Higher Level of Existence, that you decide whether or not you want to let the extra person in... and simply responding from this Level of Existence is MUCH different from the very cold-hearted "I am Taken" Bullshit... and from this alone, things will all be VERY different.)

Be SINGLE, while letting yourself be together with the one(s) you are in love with at the same time. Live or sleep together when you want to, and no, you are still NOT "having a relationship" or "in a relationship." (These phrases bother me.)

You are still only friends.

Friends who are willing to be together, have sexual intercourse, etc., when they want to.

Yet still are both Single at the same. Forever.

And if you never get to live together or have sex, that is fine. If you never get to see each other in person, that is fine. Because it is the love and the friendship that matters. It is the human bond that you both have with each other that matters.

Even if you never get to _____________ AT ALL, you still believe in each other. And nothing will ever be affected... not even the slightest!

Even if you don't stay in touch for a long time, you still naturally trust each other for no reason.

Even if you don't know much about each other AT ALL, that is more than all right... in fact, more than all right already. More than beautiful.

Even if you COMPLETELY don't have ANY contact with each other for many years, everything is going to be all right... More than all right.

Even if you don't see any evidence of things, you still believe everything is all right... somehow.

That simply being able to know each other is already one of the biggest gifts of your life.

Anything else on top of that will be extra miracles and presents you both cherish.

Friends who are deeply in love with each other forever and ever.

And always will be.

The Third Part:
Why I Don't and Won't Ever Get Married, NO MATTER WHAT:

Weddings = Suffering and Injustice in Disguise

Marriage = Even More of an Injustice in Disguise

Divorce = Very Beautiful Blessing... in Disguise

(Being Single = Very Beautiful Gift for Everyone)

The first time I read the writing on a "Marriage Certificate," I was disgusted.

It bothered me so much.

I was terrified by the idea that people seem to be so happy about celebrating a... marriage. There is something about this thing called "marriage" that my instincts are saying is wrong. Like, very wrong.

Why is this thing called a "certificate"? Shouldn't the truth be that it is a contract?

Maybe a contract in disguise. Hmmm? Yes.

Why do people have contracts for jobs?

Maybe something to do with... trust? Yes.

And putting yourself in a kind of "prison."

A "life prison," that is. A kind of long-term and very-slowly-affecting-your-life kind of prison.

And when decades pass, one already loses sight of some of their humanity and don't know that they are in a "life prison" anymore. Because you cannot see that you are trapped in a prison, especially when things seem "smooth" now.

And then by then, the truth will be too hard for you to face, admit, or realize that you decide to stay in there forever. Maybe you cannot even see the truth by then.

Something about the whole idea of this "marriage" thing is fishy and suspicious to me.

Why do people delight in this thing this world calls "marriage"? Why do people delight in this thing this world calls a "wedding"?

Something about this is scary to me.

Why are people using these "outer things" such as beautiful wedding dresses, gorgeous decorations, and rings for this thing called "true love"?

Why are people using these "outer things" such as living together, family and friends knowing about the relationship, and having sex for this thing called "true love"?

Why are people using a public celebration, an official "certificate," and legal forms for this?

And why is the law, family, and money even involved?

True love... an "inside thing," yet people are using "outer things" for it.

And something about this is strange.

If people have contracts in jobs due to a lack of trust, then isn't your marriage contract the same thing? Also this fishy "agreement" to be so-called "there for each other forever, throughout smooth and rough times," which I am pretty sure is only a fake, unfulfilled promise, but you will probably be blind to as why it is unfulfilled in your marriage and then delude yourself thinking it is fulfilled.

(I also hate all of this brainwashing of "protect the one(s) you love" that we grew up with. The "being together through smooth and rough times" thing is sort of the same thing!! I have to wonder how many humans suffered from ALL the "protect the one you love" bullshit!! Also, when it is only a MISUNDERSTANDING, and the person blindly and naturally protect the one they love! Ugh, ALL the times I LOST friends because a partner probably complained about me and then the other person maybe assumed that I so-called "hurt" or maybe so-called "attacked" their partner and then they decided to stop contact with me. ALL of this very BULLSHIT of "protect the one you love" we have been brainwashed with since growing up!!)

If "actions speak louder than words" is true here, that you would NEED to take the action of getting married to "lock in" or "validate" that your love is final, successful or The One or something, using all of these "outer things," "outer approval," and "outer confirmation" for your so-called "true love of your life" by getting married, then what does this... mean... about the strength of your... love?

Maybe, just maybe, the actual truth is that your love with the "love of your life" is actually NOT that strong, but only just Really Really REALLY seems like it in EVERY SINGLE WAY. ESPECIALLY if you have respect for your partner's so-called "differences" or "boundaries." But that any "dark truths" probably won't show up until later, and maybe your marriage will be a happy one for one decade or two decades straight. But what if one day you discover that your love wasn't actually as strong as you USED to have believed, but it is already three decades later? That the past three decades of "Strong Love" was actually only an ILLUSION, that you find out The TRUTH that it wasn't strong but you were somehow DELUDED into thinking it is strong because it REALLY SEEMED like it IN EVERY WAY... from ALL the "outer things" and "outer moments" you spent together ALL this time. Will that be too much for you to do anything about then? Or will you still delude yourself into thinking that your love is strong, so you don't have to consider divorce?

If you have respect (whether positive respect or negative respect, doesn't matter), then I don't think your relationship is as strong as you might think. Like, the same relationship WITHOUT any respect, will probably be much, much stronger than what you can even imagine. Anyone who believes that "respect" is a good thing probably cannot really be a "good person," but only seems like one! You would likely need to have a certain set of incidents or "luck" or "timing" to bring out the darkness, and the necessary "ingredients" needed might not happen in a lifetime, so it LOOKS like it is as lovely and strong as it seemed. Respect is a scary thing in disguise.

And since ALL of your friends and family members know about your marriage, this gives you more "chains" to "lock you in" your marriage that has already... withered, but you STILL want to try to convince yourself that your marriage is strong. The TRUTH must be too hard to face by then, huh? And if you have kids, that gives you even more excuses to DENY the truth... slowly killing your soul... with each passing year. Your soul is... withering... Gradually, gradually, gradually, gradually, gradually, and... gradually...

If this thing the world calls a "marriage" is really such a so-called "beautiful thing," then why isn't that contract AT LEAST HONEST? Why, just why, is that contract LYING to you about its actual identity? By calling itself a, um, "certificate." Hmmm. Looks like there is major injustice and evil here, that people have overlooked for SO many centuries and more!! This also reminds me of one of those "Suggested Donation Amount" things from religions, but the ACTUAL TRUTH is that it is actually a BILL in disguise.

I feel like some Awake, Conscious Human Being in some Middle Ages(?) times when I was at my last (and possibly first) wedding in 2013. Like, I felt that everyone at the wedding were drugged with some poisonous brainwashing pills believing this so-called "celebration" called a "wedding" is a so-called "good thing." And I was like the only savior or something. SURROUNDED by an atmosphere of deluded, brainwashed humans. I felt SO SCARED about everyone... and the FUTURE of every single person and the REST of humanity; felt incredibly uncomfortable. I tried to make my ESCAPE to SAVE my humanity by crying inside the bathroom for some hours at the wedding.

It was too scary... when I read the writing on THAT marriage "certificate," placed on a round table and beautifully decorated. THAT moment when I walked near that table, read the writing on the so-called "certificate," and then... had a wake-up moment. THAT very uncomfortable feeling when I read the lines about "being there for each other, throughout smooth and rough times" thing... that one-second-like feeling, THAT moment. The moment my instincts TOLD me that there is DARKNESS behind what I just read. THAT extremely eerie feeling when I read those lines. And the rest of the writing on it. And then I see the word "Certificate" written on it... I felt SO frightened. WHY are people HAPPY about this so-called "celebration"? WHY is everyone believing in this so-called "marriage" thing? WHY? I MUST make my ESCAPE from here, SOON!!

But... my parents forced me to come, and I am stuck in a city I am unfamiliar with and did not bring any money or MRT cards... *screams in deep DEEP suffering inside* And even if I were able to return home on my own, my parents are here... *suffers* WHY did I have to attend this nonsense in the first place? I DON'T even care about the married couple. WHY does that guy have to get married anyway? I liked the guy as a child but the girl? It's SO annoying she put a "Thank you so much for everything, Mom and Dad!!" thing on that PowerPoint presentation thing. THAT one-second-like uncomfortable feeling that popped up when I read the "expressing gratitude" words... UGH. I don't like that feeling. I BET she is some girl who will talk shit about "responsibility" and "manners" blah blah blah to her possible future child, and I DON'T like her. WHY did you have to marry her? It would be PERFECT if you were Single, you know? And you will probably be this guy who DELUDES yourself into saying you "love" your wife and shit. Like, you UNCONSCIOUSLY SUFFER from your wife, but you are also SUPER BRAINWASHED to believe that it's "normal" or "care" or something. Usually females are the ones on all the "control" of the marriage and males are the ones who BLINDLY and DELUDED-INGLY just let things go like that or something. Gosh, HOW MANY males on this planet have BLINDLY suffered from females? And NOT ONLY THAT, BUT ALSO, the males just CONTINUE TO "SUPPORT" things with their wife, like some brainwashed idiot!! And the males are usually the ones who have less power compared to the females. Females are usually the "mature" Responsibility, Respect, and Boundaries BITCHES that I hate!! And guys are usually the laid-back, friendly, reasonable people that I actually like! Females are TOO ADULT-ISH and MEAN and UNCONSCIOUSLY SO EVIL, UGH!! "Mature adult" BITCHES of doom are usually females, who usually go into some RESPECT, RESPONSIBILITY, GROW UP, HAVE MANNERS blah-blah-blah Evil Adult-ish Lecture Mode of Doom, and I HATE females!!!! WHY did you have to pick her as your wife? Now I DON'T want to remember you any more!! Forget my childhood memories! Bye!! AND I had to waste sooo much time sitting at dining tables with people I don't even care about, feel uncomfortable with, etc. AND [insert more things I suffered from]. But... my parents forced me to come. *suffers more*

Then there is this thing with money at weddings. I saw this cousin(?) with the "smart bank job" who was in charge of some "accounting," apparently writing down the numbers and recording the logs for... ALL of these red envelopes of money. By the way, this cousin(?) is the guy who got married in 2009 but at that time when my parents asked me about it, I said "no" to attending the wedding. He was the guy whom I asked "I was wondering, is Taiwan a country?" and he was stupid to tell me that "Taiwanese own people think Taiwan is a country, but in REALITY it is actually NOT one" ALL those years ago. (Now just DON'T make ANY brainwashed babies regarding Taiwan. Oh, Shit.)

I don't know whether it is some "unfortunate fate" or "coincidence" (or a "blessing in disguise"...?) that it HAS to be this forker in charge of managing the red envelopes of money, but it really PISSED ME OFF! ... especially when I saw what he was doing! I saw this book and he was recording in stuff like "#69 Lin Family, NT$3000" and maybe something like "#70, Chou Family, NT$2000" and then maybe "#71, Wang Family, NT$4000" and something like that. When I saw that, I was SO UNCOMFORTABLE!! And PISSED!! There is also this one-second-like feeling when I saw that!! My instincts are telling me that something is so so so SO INJUSTICE here!! I also happened to have a very difficult time making money at that time, so seeing how JUST by conforming to some very EVIL thing known as this "marriage" thing, people will just blindly GIVE you ALL OF THESE MONEY!! ... really felt SO careless of them!! Do ALL of these families even CARE about the married couple... that much? WHY are ALL of these families giving these so-called "generous" money to newly married people? The brainwashing, injustice, and carelessness really made me feel uncomfortable. So much Injustice. Just by BEING BRAINWASHED into conforming to some "tradition" or "rules," deluding yourself that this is being so-called "thoughtful" to the couple, ALL of that money is EASILY earned!! By being a brainwashed and deluded LOWER AWARENESS, UNconcsious human being, you get to EASILY get ALL of that money FROM people who blindly conformed to the rules!! ...JUST by getting married! F*ck. Pissed off.

If you easily make a lot of money because of work, talents, business, etc., there is nothing wrong with that. (I believe that money is actually meant to be made easily and effortlessly!!) But what PISSES me off is the idea that you EASILY GET MONEY when you GET MARRIED. (Or if it is related to Religion's "kind" donations, some kind of "kind" charity thing, or anything related to tradition or some "rules" people blindly conform to.) People are just brainwashed with ALL OF THESE BULLSHIT LIES that it is "thoughtful" or "considerate" to newly married people to receive all of these money, and that it is so-called "being generous." I doubt that all of these families actually care that much about the newly married couple and if they DO say that they care, they are deluding themselves. I didn't have to pay any money since I was forced by my parents to come and I am usually being seen as a "kid" anyway, so I guess I am lucky here, as I later learn in 2015 this money thing is something that is actually REQUIRED (yikes! FORCED bullshit!! Oh no!! The TRUE COLORS of weddings appears!!) for every attendee of the wedding.

In 2015, one of my non-Taiwanese friends (who was having a hard time surviving financially in Taiwan) told me that he was asked to attend a wedding before. He told me that he had to pay NT$2000 minimum for the newly married couple. You can't pay something like NT$1 or NT$100; you HAVE to pay a minimum of a certain high amount. And he didn't know that, and it felt so wrong.

People are SO brainwashed into calling this a "gift" for the married couple!! Apparently everyone at the wedding deluded themselves to think things are "supposed" to be like this. Plus the married couple didn't even live in a new home; they just moved in the home of the guy's dad, who runs his own 6F building, with a vet clinic on the first floor. So it's not like they had to spend money on houses. Even if they did, it is still brainwashing and all bullshit. WHAT makes a newly married couple think they can have ALL of these money EASILY from people who are just giving it to them by rules and tradition? If *one* friend PERSONALLY gave you all of that money because they care about you so much, then that is another story. But here the money is just a rule or tradition and a "EVERYONE is doing this" thing that has no heart and only brainwashing. Very robotic, very unethical, and very frightening to me that people are SO deluded like this!!

Whatever the true colors of weddings are, it sure has caused a LOT of suffering in the world! Maybe a LOT of people are secretly and deeply suffering from weddings and CANNOT say anything about it because they would be "rude" or "disrespectful" or "socially unacceptable" or "problematic" or "crazy person with strange thinking" if they express that they don't like weddings. So it might really seem like weddings is something you might only find people say GOOD things about for this reason. So I hope that putting these thoughts, feelings, and experiences out there helps ease people's secret, deep suffering!

The concept of weddings, along with the concept of marriage, the concept of religion, and the very concept of family... Have you noticed that ALL of these things are related TO MONEY?! And that is strange.

... Also very fishy.

ALL of them is also related to being some kind of an organization in disguise... weddings gather people, marriage is related to family creation, and so on. They all seem to have something related with either being DISHONEST or being DELUDED. That "donation" thing that is actually a bill in disguise. Calling things a "thoughtful gift" when it is a forced thing and people delude themselves thinking that this is "kindness" or "how things should be" and so on.

(I wondered which Evil people or things invented this so-called "marriage" thing into our world, and then people blindly made marriage something that is "expected" or "normal" throughout the hundreds of years... all the way until present day, and now the truth is buried even more, especially when society is not as "harsh" as back then now.)

Even the concept of family is suspicious to me.

And that phrase called "family member"? Why does it have a member word in it?

Is the truth that "family" is a kind of organization in disguise? Hmmm? Yes.

A certain kind of organization with certain kinds of rules, but disguised into a "family" because even the family members themselves cannot realize this truth. Especially when the family members are really close and loving with another, the truth becomes much harder to see in this case.

Maybe because this has been something going on for generations, and so the truth is buried deeply. So this could be why many people cannot see this truth behind the concept of this "family" thing. It is probably disguised very well these days, and better than the past in history, so this could be another reason.

For this "family" thing, my instincts is also telling me something very wrong about it. Like, really wrong. For the sake and whole of humanity.

And it bothers me that one cannot cancel their family membership at any time!

When you sign up for an account on a Web site or apply for membership in other things, many will let you cancel your account or membership at any time. The ones that don't or only "deactivates" your account or require you to say your reason bothers me. If you cancel, close, or delete your account, it doesn't mean that you have "bad" or "negative" thoughts about it.

It could be for reasons such as "I like everything about this service or organization, but right now I believe there is something more exciting I prefer to go for instead. It seems best to clear the mental space and have lesser things to think about. I want to be more focused on the things that are more true to my heart."

If this so-called family concept is truly "good" or "home" or a "loving thing," then why can't we have the free will to decide whether or not we want to be in it?

Again, if you want to quit being someone's sibling or son/daughter, it doesn't mean that you dislike them! It COULD be that you realized that the concept behind this is probably not right for the whole of humanity, but you still love the person individually as a human being.

NOT because they are a "family member" and NOT as a "family member" either... but BECAUSE and AS a individual human being instead.

I wish people on this planet can be more like this instead: "Today, I don't want to be your mother any more. Feel free to decide whether or not you want to be my son/daughter and whether or not you want to continue having contact with me. I trust life and believe whatever happens, things work out for the best, even if it may not seem like it in the first place. I still care about you as an individual human being on this planet, and if you ever need me, feel free to reach out any time. Feel free to also completely forget about me for the rest of your life. You don't have to care about me at all... only if your soul really wants to!"

Or something like, "From now on, we are no longer cousins/siblings/etc. any more, and we don't have to know what goes on in our lives any more. Feel free to stop contact and completely forget about my existence. I still care about you as a human being but NOT a cousin/sibling/etc. This decision will help the whole of humanity, especially those who secretly wish that the concept of family never exists in this world! This decision we make is more important than what we might can ever imagine; we can ease people's LIFE sufferings that they secretly wish people could understand but too scared to tell anyone about. Of course, if you ever need me, feel free to reach out to me... but only if your soul wants to!"

Or something like, "From now on, we are no longer partners or spouses any more, and it is better for the whole of humanity if we both divorce. There is no NEED for us to see each other as 'partners' or 'husband/wife' or 'boyfriend/girlfriend.' It is much better for us to see each other as human beings INSTEAD of 'husband/wife' or 'partners.' We are still just as close and in love with each other as before, maybe even closer and more in love with each other now that we are divorced!"

"Let's hold a PARTY for our divorce!! :D"

"Divorce is sooo exciting!!!"

"Divorce is so much FUN!!! XD"

"AND... we can enjoy ALL of the delicious food at our divorce party!!! :D And maybe, just maybe, invite both actual and (or?) invisible guests!!"

If you have children, divorce is actually a GOOD thing. When your child sees how free and happy both parents are now that they are divorced, it can inspire them to become more... human, especially when maybe they see that OTHER divorced parents in this world are FAR different from his or her own parents!

And you don't NEED to be married to be "qualified" to have kids. If your kid sees how free and happy his or her parents are WITHOUT ever having been married in their life (not even once married!), and then see how it seems that OTHER parents on this planet are married but don't seem as happy as you (and instead seem stressed out with life or impatient with their children at certain times), this could be something...!

Becoming a conscious human being can be one of the biggest miracles and gifts you can give to both the world and people who matter to you!

... Maybe ease someone's life suffering that "no one else in the world will EVER understand." You can set more souls free, especially souls that have already withered for the past 5 decades.

Your decision can be a medicine to people's secret sufferings that they cannot ever tell anyone about because "no one will understand" or "people might think I am strange and crazy or problematic."

... Maybe one of the greatest gifts to give to the whole of humanity.

(When I learn news that someone is/gets married, I feel uncomfortable and secretly think, "PLEASE, people should STOP getting married! STOP all these weddings. SO annoying!!")

(When I look up someone and learn that they seem to be Single, I feel as sense of deep relief and a sense of deep liberation, and secretly think, "PLEASE keep being the same. You are an... inspiration... to me. You ease my life suffering. Maybe your heart is sad that you are Single, but I wish I could tell you how much you mean to me just by being Single... I wish you can feel happy about being Single. I wish you can know how your being Single brings tears to me. You make a huge difference to me.... and I wish you could know this. I wish my soul's words can reach you. I wish you can be feel better about yourself.")

(And yes, I DO secretly wish that the world should collectively abandon the concepts of both family and marriage. I DO think the world would be a much better place without these something-else-in-disguise concepts and beliefs!)

(And yes, I DO secretly wish that ALL married people on this planet should really divorce or something. Divorce IS a good thing in disguise, and not ALL divorces have to be "rough." There are many divorces that can be done without any conflict, such as the one I demonstrated above! Maybe this world should see divorce as a GOOD thing more often instead.)

(When I hear news of a divorce, I feel liberated. It is like an "extra hope" moment for me... and I feel happy that the person is finally set free from this "marriage" thing.)

(And every time I hear news of a newborn baby or that someone has children, I feel uncomfortable, too. "Not ANOTHER baby in this world who will be brainwashed by his or her parents about life," "Not ANOTHER baby who will suffer but don't know they are suffering and might even think it is 'right' or 'normal' to be this way," as well as many other thoughts that may show up in my mind!)

(When I learn that a married couple does NOT have any kids, I feel SO relieved. And when I learn that a person is/gets married, I secretly think, "PLEASE, at least DON'T have ANY kids!!")

And, for example, I find it really unfair and wrong that, to many people in this world, I cannot be closer or even more important to them than their family members. Or maybe even lame reasons such as "I only know you for 3 months."

For goodness' sake, we are all human beings!

Does it REALLY matter whether I am a "member" of your family?

And does it REALLY matter whether you only know me for 10 minutes as opposed to 10 years?

Something about the idea of blood, time, and "how well you know someone" affecting human bond and a thing called closeness is really wrong.

A human being and human bond is much deeper, much profound than that!

Whether or not I trust someone has nothing to do with how well I know them!

And how well I trust someone in certain situations has nothing to do with how well I know them.

And, of course, definitely NOT related to how long I have know them for, either.

Instead, whether or not and how well I trust someone, and how close I want to be to them (even if I only know them for 5 minutes so far), is ONLY affected by OTHER things such as: instincts, intuition, feelings, and what kinds of things a person can say in certain situations.

And if I don't trust someone, it is NEVER because one is "evil" or "bad" or so-called "dangerous." It could be because of their beliefs, how their brain seems to function, and/or that I don't think they are that smart.

Also, the concept of strangers is suspicious to me. The whole "strangers" thing bothers me SO much!

Nobody in this world can ever be a "stranger" in ANY form or way!

There are ONLY "people I never met," "people I do not know," and "people I don't have contact with." And no, these are FAR from being even similar to the belief or idea behind this "strangers" thing AT ALL. "Strangers" do NOT even exist in this world, but only really seems like it does for many people.

And why are people sacrificing their humanity for "true love," creating a family, and other things?

Why not have true love without sacrificing your humanity in any way or form?

And what if your soul suddenly falls in love with another person but you are already married?

Like, you are still in love with the person you married and you still love them the most, but... your soul is also deeply in love with someone else, too. At the same time.

Or maybe even just as much as your spouse.
At the same time.

Are you going to abandon that part of your very humanity because you are in a "legal agreement" to be "taken" by your spouse... because you have agreed to the Marriage Contract and now you are your spouse's "property"?

Are you going to let that part of your soul wither? A life less lived because you are the "property" of your spouse? What happened to your RIGHT of FREEDOM? What happened to your humanity?

Why did you sign the Life Contract of Confining Your Freedom? The Contract in Disguise that tricked you into it...

... with words like "love," "forever and ever," etc.

Even if your spouse lets you sleep with the other person and have sex, your FREEDOM is already restricted, especially when you have to ASK for "permission" first.

... Is it really right that you have to ask for permission to be... true to your... heart?

Just to be true to your soul.

Just to... live a fuller life.

You need "permission" just to be... more free.

... To be more free from your Marriage Contract of Humanity Confinement.

Freedom... your BASIC HUMAN RIGHT... yet you need... "permission"... for it.

You need "permission" to sing your soul's song.

You need "permission" to let your soul spread its wings and fly even farther than ever.

(Do I hear the deep soul cries of people in happy marriages who secretly wish that life should be... better? Do I hear the deep soul cries of people in happy marriages that life should not be like this?)

(And it seems the people whose soul is crying out the truth are completely unaware that their soul is doing this...!)

Did I just hear the cries of many souls whisper the truth to me? The cries from people in happy marriages telling me that what I am writing here is the truth they wish they would have learned. But that it is difficult for them to Escape from their Confinement, especially if they have kids.

When we make friends, we don't have limits to how many friends to make nor are we "required" to let our other friends know who we are friends with. Then, why, why do people act differently when it comes to "partners" and "love"?

Why is it that when we get a boyfriend or partner, our friends and family have to know? Why are we "required" to let others know about it? Why are we limited to being "taken" by the "one and only."

Why are we "forced" to LIMIT our FREEDOM to only "this one special person"?

Yet, with friends, even "this one special friend," we won't have limits and we are still free to make new friends who will be ANOTHER "this one other special friend," now added on top of your previous friends. And ALL of the strength of friendships are still as strong (or even stronger now because of the extra friend), without affecting one another.

Then why do people act differently when it comes to "love"? This is strange.

I mean, why? It doesn't really make sense.

They are all very human bonds. Human and soul bonds. Isn't the truth that there be no Freedom Confinements? AT ALL. Just like friendship.

Why not have true love without sacrificing your humanity in any way or form?

You don't ever have to let friends and family know about this. You really DON'T EVER HAVE TO! You don't have to tell ANY person. AT ALL! It is your HUMANITY and your FREEDOM.

Maybe even a matter of justice for humanity and to be a... free human soul. JUSTICE.

Please care for your own humanity forever. It is the most important thing and decision you can make for your LIFE.

Simply decide that you want to set your soul free, and tell yourself, "I will figure it out." Start small, and believe in yourself.

And yes, there is NOTHING WRONG with keeping ALL of this a SECRET! It is your HUMANITY.

There is NOTHING WRONG with not letting your spouse or partner or family or friends know about this. It is your HUMANITY.

There is NOTHING WRONG about sleeping and doing sex with different close friends individually, for example. If your soul (NOT your mind, not your thoughts, and not your beliefs! But your very very SOUL!) says you should be true to it, then be true to it. There is NOTHING WRONG to be... free.

There is NOTHING WRONG to value... justice.

There is NOTHING WRONG to value... freedom.

There is NOTHING WRONG to be more... human.

Set your humanity free forever... while enjoying true love at the same time (if this is needed).

Liberate your humanity forever.

It is worth it. I promise.

- Kiyasu Oka on December 28th, 2015 (Monday)